The Browns keep saying they're going to build through the draft. OK, but answering their needs will require hard work and a rabbit or five pulled from a hat, Bud Shaw writes in his Spin column.
Scott Shaw, Plain Dealer file photoBrowns President Mike Holmgren, left, and General Manager Tom Heckert keep saying they're going to build a winning team through the draft. Hmm, what's the hurry?
Don't come to Berea looking for playoff tickets or big-time free agents touring the facility.
The Browns are operating on their own schedule.
They keep telling you that before each free agency period. And you keep looking at quarterback and receiver and praying they're blowing smoke like the CIA did in passing off Agent Hillis as an NFL running back worthy of the Madden '12 cover.
They're not blowing smoke. Whether they're blowing Randy Lerner's money is another matter, but Mike Holmgren and Tom Heckert are getting the benefit of the doubt as it pertains to the owner's traditionally low reservoir of patience.
In the meantime, put Holmgren's or Heckert's mug on a magazine above the words, "What, me hurry?"
Based on the anger and frustration in a town financially and emotionally invested in soul-depleting football for so long, "Mad" still works as a magazine title in capturing the general mood.
Here's the thing about free agency. If you don't occasionally jump into it with both feet, maybe even make a cannonball splash or two, then you can't miss at all in the draft let alone miss after trading up (Montario Hardesty).
The Browns won't participate in free agency until signing one or two players will make a difference. And how could they become good enough in our lifetime for free agency to make a difference?
The draft, for sure.
And, well, free agency.
AP fileHey, NFL free-agents, the Browns want you ... just not yet.
Free agency might help them become good enough for free agency to make a difference, in other words, but only if they participate in it.
This kind of conundrum sounds familiar, perhaps because Joseph Heller wrote about it and called it "Catch 22."
The long wait for contention, the playoffs and a Super Bowl won't matter if the Browns get it right. But it has to be exactly right. It has to be 12-4 right one of these years, AFC title game right.
While they're working on that, it's not too much to ask for proof they're heading in the right direction at quarterback and wide receiver. And don't let them make you feel ignorant or impatient for thinking the third year of Holmgren's tenure is high time. The passing game is supposedly what his teams knew best.
Can it work the way the Browns are going about it? Surely. Will it? It had better.
Let's put it this way. If things don't work out for the regime in Berea, we can probably scratch certain occupations from Holmgren's and Heckert's next job search.
Like pit crew.
And emergency room doctor.
And 9-1-1 operator.
And team president.
And GM.
Spinoffs
• The lack of quality wideouts stunted Colt McCoy's development last year. The lack of a quality quarterback stunted the wide receivers last year. The Browns don't seem to be any closer to figuring out which was which.
• Tim Tebow is considered the favorite to make the Madden '13 cover. After what happened to Peyton Hillis last season, that sounds about right.
PD fileUrban Meyer
• Urban Meyer will hold Competition Days at OSU in which winners will drink Gatorade and losers will drink water from a hose and run extra laps. He also plans a Championship Dinner, in which some will dine on white linens and some will eat like peasants. Or, to modernize the reference in 2012 terms, like most all of us.
"When you get away from Mommy and Daddy," Urban Meyer said, "it's a tough world out there. People who work in corporations who do a really good job have corner offices and trips to Cancun and bonuses. And if not, you don't."
Remind me not to suggest The PD put Meyer in charge of the games at the next company picnic or something tells me I'm going to be tasting garden-hose rubber for a month.
• Bulls' guard Derrick Rose complained that he's "got to be the only superstar in the league that's going through what I'm going through right now." I assumed he meant because the third Mercedes is in the shop, but am told apparently he felt obvious fouls on him aren't being called. That's never happened to Dwight Howard after all, except for always happening to Dwight Howard.
• Dick Vitale said he gives the NCAA selection committee an "A" for its seedings. And it should be pointed out that his grading system on college basketball goes all the way from "A-plus" to "A-minus."
• Ozzie Guillen got thrown out of a spring training game and opposing manager Bobby Valentine waved goodbye to him. Guillen didn't see it but said he would've had some profanities for Valentine if he had. Two questions: How would he have recognized Valentine in the fake nose and glasses? And if I switched those names around, would it surprise you any less?
He Tweeted it
"Just finished bein mic'ed up for the MLB network . . . Should have some new vocal masterpieces comin your way tomorrow!! #dontquitmydayjob" -- Indians second baseman Jason Kipnis, after being heard singing Adele's "Someone Like You" during an MLB telecast two Wednesdays ago.
It's easy to say that baseball today isn't what it used to be. But that's only because the available technology didn't allow for hearing Bob Feller sing Merman.
He said it
"I believe in first-pitch strikes, catching the ball and people hitting doubles with the bases loaded." -- Manny Acta, in admitting he was taken aback by a fortune cookie that read, "Your sports team will be very successful."
Begging the question about whether he also believes in the hanging curve ball, high fiber, the sweet spot, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and accidental parodies of Crash Davis' soliloquy in "Bull Durham."
You said it (The Expanded Midweek Edition)
Bud: Do you regret your RG3 tattoo? -- Kelly G.
Not as much as the one that reads "Kokinis: The time is now."
Dear Bud: Do PD writers get paid bounties for taking cheap shots at NFL players? -- Jim O., Chardon
When the Browns get some, I'll let you know. (Or just take that as a yes.)
Bud: If Mike Holmgren had captained the Titanic, do you think he simply would have waited for global warming to take care of the iceberg? -- Jeff, Westlake
After informing complaining passengers not to come to him for tickets to the champagne toast upon a safe return.
Hey, Bud: When NBC was showing aerial shots of Tiger driving his car away from Doral after injuring his Achilles, did anyone else have that feeling of OJ-vu all over again? -- Wayne
I had a funny feeling about Tiger at Doral when I saw Al Cowlings on his bag.
Bud: A note fell out of my morning PD, "You will profit from a spin." Is it referring to a casino visit or an insightful column? -- James D, Richmond Heights
Beating the house and finding insight here carry the same long odds.
Bud: Is there any truth to the rumor that -- regarding the battle for the left field job this spring -- Felix Pie confidently declared, "Nobody wants a piece of me"? -- Jeff, Westlake
I would correct your pronunciation of his name but I don't want to throw a wrench into what is clearly a burgeoning career in standup.
Dear, Bud: Two years ago I had a fortune cookie that said "Pay no attention to your last fortune." No more Chinese for Manny Acta. -- Robert Garrett Jr., Avon Lake
First-time "You said it" winners get a T-shirt from the mental_floss collection.
Hi, Bud: Who says that an owner cannot build a championship team through the draft. Look at Daniel Snyder and the St. Louis Rams. -- Big Al
Repeat winners get disappointed.
Hey, Bud: You recently referred to me as a 'shut-in' and were surprised that 'You said it' readers had cable TV? I'm really offended. My mom's basement has windows AND she has a satellite dish. Now, I have to go tend to my butterfly larva. -- Devin, Concord
Repeat winners sometimes get an imaginary friend.
To reach Bud Shaw: bshaw@plaind.com, 216-999-5639
On Twitter: @budshaw