The Browns entered the Bengals' lair as double-digit underdogs tonight. That's pretty much the way it turned out.
CLEVELAND, Ohio -- The hoariest of cliches in the sports world are coaches and players saying "nobody believes in us."
Tonight, it's true. Nobody believed in the Browns' chances at an upset in Cincinnati. Even the biggest critics of Bengals QB Andy Dalton thought it impossible to waste a chance to put a beatdown on the (not exactly competitive) rivals from the north. Even Rich Eisen of the NFL Network mocked the team during his Thursday radio show, undercutting any suspense over tonight's outcome because of the Browns' irrelevance.
Everyone was right in a 31-10 victory that swung on Bengals domination of the second half after Johnny Manziel kept the Browns within reach at 14-10 at halftime.
As always, we had every key moment along with observations from reporters and columnists from cleveland.com and The Plain Dealer -- along with snark -- um, insight -- from around the NFL.
Now there's plenty of talk-show fodder for the next 10 days before the trip to Pittsburgh on the 15th. We'll see you then.
11:58 p.m.: NFL.com's Gregg Rosenthal offers a thought on what decided this game beyond the Manziel circus.
"It was a night where offensive coordinator Hue Jackson was one step ahead of Browns coach Mike Pettine. The Bengals didn't turn the ball over and only punted twice in the first 56 minutes of the game. While the Browns' offense gets most of the attention, Pettine's defense has been far more disappointing this year. They have taken a big step back from last year's early promise."
11:53 p.m.: Steve Mariucci says he doesn't believe Pettine wants to play Manziel "but there's no question that Johnny Manziel has taken a step forward. ... He's a baller; the kid is a pretty savvy player. I just hope they give him a chance before they discard him. It doesn't sound like it to me."
Mike Irvin jumps in. "If Johnny keeps playing like this, either (the Browns) will, or somebody else will. ... There's a lot of (offensive) talent that he's missing."
Marshall Faulk is afraid that Manziel's off-field reputation may prevent his career from developing.
11:47 p.m.: From Bud Shaw on Mike Pettine's reasoning on Manziel:
"Pettine (talks) like a head coach who knows that eventually a winning NFL QB must make his living in the pocket. Manziel still escapes it too early, but he would hardly be the first young quarterback to do so.
"The issue here seems to be that Pettine is coaching for his job. After Thursday night's 31-10 loss to Cincinnati, Pettine has now lost 12 of his last 14 games. Small wonder if he feels as if he's coaching for his job and wants to go back to McCown for the Pittsburgh game.
(But) "the organizational view, especially after Thursday night, figures to be Manziel as the starter for the rest of the season, if not this week then after the Pittsburgh game."
11:43 p.m.: From Tom Reed's instant analysis of tonight's game:
"Quarterback Johnny Manziel had a terrific first half and an unproductive final two quarters. But against an undefeated opponent on a short week, Manziel provided a credible performance under difficult circumstances.
"With the Browns falling to 2-7 and losers of four straight it's time to turn over the offense to Manziel. Playing for an injured Josh McCown, the second-year quarterback finished 15-of-33 for 168 yards, a touchdown and a 71.3 rating."
11:40 p.m.: Manziel on the second half ... "We kinda hurt ourselves in the second half ... that's what it comes down to. I have to get that first down (in the first series after halftime) and that's something I'm going to be thinking about."
Praised Isaiah Crowell's work in the first half. Said "things slowed down a bit" for him but credits the Bengals' scheme and adjustments in the second half -- a lot of Cover Two coverage.
Wasn't happy with his throwing in the second half. Didn't feel like there was too much effort by the Bengals to keep him in the pocket. "We didn't get a chance in the second half to get a five, six, seven-play drive."
Won't criticize Taylor Gabriel. "I'm going to keep coming at you. ... Each and every guy on the offense battled."
11:34 p.m.: Pettine says "no one will take it harder than (Taylor Gabriel, who had at least three drops Thursday). We'll have to work to get him out of the dumps."
Complained about penalties being a lack of discipline -- especially the taunting on Randy Starks in the second half, and the later offside setting up a Bengals touchdown.
11:30 p.m.: Mike Pettine on the game. Says Ibraheim Campbell and Joel Bitonio both rolled ankles, but will await further examination.
"I thought we competed well for a half but struggled in second. That's a good team over there (in the Bengals). ... There's a lot of football to be played, we're in this together."
Called Manziel "inconsistent" and tried to make too many big plays in the second half as the team fell behind. "Not sure we played well enough around him (after halftime) to help him play well."
Conceded that Bengals worked to keep Manziel in the pocket. Declined to say what the plan will be for the position vs. the Steelers. "Time to step away and assess where we are and move forward."
11:21 p.m.: Manziel finishes 14-for-33 for 168 yards -- he was 4-for-15 in the second half. So was there enough Good Johnny to keep him in the lineup, or enough Bad Johnny to get Josh McCown back in the lineup vs. Pittsburgh on Nov. 15?
"They did nothing in the second half," says Donovan.
"You look at Dalton going 12-of-14 in the second half for 150 yards and that's the difference," says Dieken.
"This season is twisting out of control, isn't it?" laments Donovan.
Final: Bengals 31, Browns 10
11:16 p.m.: On second-and-goal at the 10, Manziel sacked at 21 by Carlos Dunlap. Manziel had Crowell open in a dumpoff at the 10, but declined. On third-and-goal, Manziel scrambles forward for 10 yards. On fourth-and-goal, clock under a minute as Manziel came close to crossing the goal line when he throws across his body and is nearly intercepted by Kirkpatrick for a pick-six.
Bengals take a knee and game ends.
Bengals 31, Browns 10; 1:59 left in fourth quarter
11:10 p.m.: A slant to DWAYNE BOWE gets 16.
On first down at the 21, Manziel scrambled right but can't find anyone working back to him and has to throw it out of the end zone. On second-and-10, Manziel looks for Barnidge at the 10, but the tight end falls and the ball is incomplete. On third-and-10, Manziel scrambles right and overthrows Gabriel by five yards in the end zone.
On fourth-and-10, with 2:41 left, Manziel is blitzed but hits Bowe at the 12, and Bowe stretches to the 10 for the first down.
On first-and-goal, Manziel wanders back to the 25 and is crushed by Michael Johnson as he throws incomplete for Bowe in the end zone.
Two minute warning arrives.
11:06 p.m.: On first down Dalton throws ball away -- 21-point lead isn't enough apparently. On second-and-10, Hill gets four with Dansby making the tackle by the shoelaces. On third-and-6, Dalton in shotgun hits Eifert again for 21 -- and Tramon Williams trips him up to prevent a fourth TD.
On first down, Hill loses two on nice penetration by John Hughes. On second-and-11, Dalton to Sanu for nine. On third-and-2, Bengals call timeout with 4:19 remaining.
After the timeout, Hill tries the middle, bounces left and still can't make any headway. No gain.
Huber's punt is blocked by Marlon Moore, recovered by Moore at the Bengals' 37.
10:58 p.m.: Marlon Moore -- in for Gilbert -- returns the kick 29 yards to the Browns 24.
On first down, Manziel a little too far ahead of Barnidge at the 40. Kept in the pocket, Manziel isn't accurate in the second half. On second-and-10, Gabriel drops an open slot at the 33 -- he's had a bad night. On third-and-10, Manziel is high and wide to Bowe in the right sideline. A fourth straight 3-and-out. Seven yards of offense since halftime.
Lee's punt caught by Tate at the 30, returned to the Browns 39, but Bengals flagged for illegal block, ball placed on Bengals 23.
Bengals 31, Browns 10; 7:43 left in fourth quarter
10:52 p.m.: Bengals with 160-7 lead in offense in the second half. Bernard on first down gets 13 around left end. Time to work the clock and the Browns' meager run defense.
Nope, Dalton goes long left for A.J. Green, with good coverage by Tramon Williams, incomplete at the 15. On second-and-10 at the Browns 45, Dalton hits Bernard in the left flat and gets 14 yards as no Browns linebacker seems capable of pass coverage.
First down at the 31, Browns blitz but good blocking gives Bernard six right up the middle. On second-and-4, Bernard over right guard for two. On third-and-2, Bengals add an extra lineman in Jake Fisher and Dalton scrambles for the first down to the 19. Browns again have no linebackers making plays.
On first down, Bernard stopped for no gain by Kruger. On second-and-10 as the clock goes under eight minutes, Dalton in the shotgun pumps and goes deep to Eifert for a third TD reception -- Tramon Williams badly beaten on the move.
To be fair to the defense, three 3-and-outs by the offense have pretty much drained the team's energy.
10:46 p.m.: Another touchback as Manziel goes to comeback mode from his 20. Which is pretty good field position as it's gone tonight.
On first down, Manziel on play action (which fools absolutely no one with a 14-point deficit) is chased back to his 5 before throwing the ball away under pressure by Geno Atkins. On second-and-10, Manziel sacked at the 15 by Carlos Dunlap. Coverage sack. On third-and-15 (Bowe in the game), Manziel sacked by Atkins at the 7 as the middle of the Browns line collapses (Bitonio badly beaten).
Andy Lee's punt to Adam Jones caught at Bengals 37, with lots of dancing returned five yards to the 42 with 11:38 left.
Bengals 24, Browns 10; 13:26 left in fourth quarter
10:39 p.m.: On second down, Hill gets three up the middle. On third-and-3 at the Bengals 49, Dalton finds Jones on a delay over the middle -- Dalton's 11th straight completion -- for 26.
On first down on the 25, Sanu takes a handoff from Bernard -- not a double reverse, just a reverse -- and easily strolls into the end zone.
And another collapse by a defense that almost always seems overmatched.
Bengals 17, Browns 10; end of third quarter
10:34 p.m.: "This would be a good time for a turnover and a short field," says Doug Dieken.
Sure would. On first down, Dalton under center gives to Hill who gets nothing as Des Bryant chases down the right side of the line to make the tackle. On second-and-10, Dalton in empty backfield, scrambles for two with Armonty Bryant pulling him down. On third-and-8, Dalton perfectly hits an out pattern to Green against Tramon Williams and Campbell for 18 yards.
Quick snap by Bengals catches the Browns in subbing the lineup and Hill has 13 over right guard.
At the Bengals 42, Dalton on first down finds Brandon Tate at the 46, and because Justin Gilbert whiffs Tate gets 22 yards to the Browns 36. As clock hits 0:00 Mike Pettine challenges that Gilbert touched Tate as the knee was down, and the replay looks to confirm it.
"Good challenge, I think," says Dieken. It would make it second-and-6 for the Bengals if it's successful.
Clock moved to 0:05 during the challenge. Pettine wins the challenge, moving the ball 18 yards back from where it was.
Clock runs out.
10:26 p.m.: Touchback by Gilbert.
First down at the 20, Manziel in pistol goes play action and hits Gabriel between the numbers at the 38, and it slams off his hands for incompletion. On second-and-10, bubble screen to Benjamin for six -- tough hit by Dre Kirkpatrick. On third-and-4, Manziel has Duke Johnson in the backfield and throws just long for Barnidge at the 40.
Lee needs a good punt and does better, caught by Tate at the 17 and tackled at the 18 by Christian Kirksey. Bengals get their first penalty, a block in the back on Margus Hunt -- ball moved to the Bengals 9.
Bengals 17, Browns 10; 4:05 left in third quarter
10:19 p.m.: Big chance for the Bengals to reassert control at the Browns 49.
On first down, Hill gets four over right guard. On second-and-6, Dalton to Green on a quick slant for 15 against K'Waun Williams, who was playing off in the slot.
First down at the 30, Dalton on a slant to Rex Burkhead for seven. Browns far too passive in coverage. On second-and-3, Hill stutter-steps over left guard and is a foot shy of the first down. On third-and-short, I formation Hill has a big gash for seven -- fumbles after he hits the ground.
First down at the 13, Bernard drags Karlos Dansby for four. Second-and-6 at the 9, Bernard gets five with Campbell preventing the first down at the 5. On third-and-1, Dalton in shotgun tries to boot left and Nate Orchard stays with the play and tackles him at the 10. Big-time play to keep the lead within a score.
Mike Nugent's 28-yard field goal is good.
10:11 p.m.: Do Bengals go zone against Manziel to start the half? On first down, the Browns' 17th false start is on Alex Mack.
Well, they have perfected that play.
On first-and-15 at the 7, Manziel in pistol gives to Crowell who loses four around right end. On second-and-19 at the 3, Manziel dumpoff to Crowell over the middle gets seven. Good blocking against a blitz. On third-and-12, Manziel scrambles up the middle and gets the first down -- just barely -- at the 22. Manziel took a helmet-to-helmet hit from Leon Hall, and the replay suggests that the officials were rather generous to the QB on locating the ball.
Marvin Lewis challenges the spot -- just as Phil Simms on the NFL Network says he "absolutely" should do so.
But Lewis wins the challenge. It's fourth down at the 21.
Lee's punt to Brandon Tate looks slightly deflected and the ball bounces at the Bengals 48 and bounds back to the Browns 48. Just 28 yards.
Pretty huge switch of momentum.
10:02 p.m.: Danny Shelton limits a first-down run by Jeremy Hill to one yard. On second-and-9, Dalton hits Green against Pierre Desir at the 29, and overpowers him for two more yards and a first down at the 31. Yes, big receivers have their place.
On first down, Dalton to Marvin Jones on another slant for 18 yards against a safety blitz -- stiff arm in Desir's grill.
First down at the Bengals 49, Dalton to Hill for no gain -- nice teamwork by Ibraheim Campbell and Craig Robertson. On second-and-10, Dalton is sacked by Paul Kruger who overpowers the right tackle and forces an eight-yard loss. On third-and-18, Dalton runs draw to Bernard for 10.
Kevin Huber's punt is fair caught by Benjamin at the Browns 12.
9:56 p.m.: Joel Bitonio left just before halftime to get an ankle wrapped and is back on the sideline.
Coons' kickoff is a touchback and we're underway to start the second half.
9:54 p.m.: A former AFC North coach is critical of the Bengals' defensive strategy against Manziel.
9:47 p.m.: Browns have a 181-124 edge in total offense, with Manziel 11-of-18 for 128 yards and a TD. Andy Dalton is 9-of-13 for 67 yards.
Halftime: Bengals 14, Browns 10
9:42 p.m.: After a touchback, Bengals take a knee and get the ball to start the third quarter.
Bengals 14, Browns 10; 0:19 left in second quarter
9:39 p.m.: On second-and-9 at the Browns 47, Manziel in shotgun has a free play when Bengals jump offside and Manziel scrambles and finds Barnidge for 26 yards on the right sideline.
First down at the 28, Crowell beats a run blitz around the right side -- good block by Barnidge -- for 11 yards.
First down at the 17, Crowell over right tackle for five. Joel Bitonio limping. Clock running under 45 seconds with three timeouts. Sigh. On second-and-5, Johnson gets a yard and first timeout is called with 27 seconds left. Cam Erving replaces Bitonio, except Bitonio won't have it. On third-and-4 at the 12, "Browns need touchdowns," says Donovan. Manziel in shotgun rolls right and finds Duke Johnson at the goal line for the touchdown.
"Wow does he throw well on the run," exclaims a pleased Donovan.
It's a 92-yard drive that has to impress Mike Pettine. Right?
Right?
Bengals 14, Browns 3; 2:00 left in second quarter
9:32 p.m.: "The simple math tells you that you can't trade sevens for threes," says Jim Donovan.
It also says it's a bad idea to fumble the kickoff inside your 10, but Gilbert does just that -- referees rule that he was down and Johnson Bademosi recovered anyway.
Game already nearly out of reach if Browns don't respond -- Bengals have the ball to start the second half.
On first down, Manziel on a slant to Benjamin for seven to the 15. On second-and-3, Crowell running hard gets five on a decisive cut up the left side.
On first down at the 20, Manziel incomplete to Barnidge at the 23 -- another fastball on a very short pattern. On second-and-10, Manziel starts to sprint out of the pocket but lobs to Duke Johnson for 26 yards at the left sideline. Nice improvisation.
First down at the 46, Crowell gets a yard as the clock ticks under 2:30. Browns willing to let the two-minute warning arrive.
Bengals 14, Browns 3; 4:34 left in second quarter
9:24 p.m.: Browns waste a chance to take the lead with good field position. Will Bengals make them pay?
On first down at the 20, Gio Bernard is buried by Randy Starks, who taunts Bernard and earns a 15-yard penalty. Starks out, John Hughes in.
Justin Gilbert in the defensive backfield for the second series tonight. On first down at the 36, toss sweep to Bernard gets nine around the left corner. On second-and-1, Bengals do a lot of shifting before Bernard bounces up the middle and gets 10 yards after contact.
On first down at the Browns 45, Dalton in empty backfield has pass knocked down by Craig Robertson at the 40. On second-and-10, Bernard behind nine-man line gets seven up the middle. Bengals don't disguise their intent there. On third-and-3, Dalton in shotgun finds Green for a first down against Tramon Williams at the 27. He was playing off and it's an easy 10-yard gain.
On first down, Dalton goes long for Marvin Jones, but Justin Gilbert tips it away with left hand with his right wrapped around Jones' helmet. Lucky, lucky. On second-and-10, Bernard around right tackle for four. On third-and-6, Dalton audibles and Bengals have to call timeout to avoid delay of game.
Injury to Campbell puts De'Ante Saunders alongside Gipson at safety. On third-and-6, Dalton to Sanu, who pulls Tramon Williams across the sticks to a first down at the 14.
On first down, Dalton boots right and throws the ball away with Paul Kruger chasing. On second-and-10, Dalton to Eifert for five, with Karlos Dansby dragging him down. On third-and-5 at the 9, Dalton to Jones against pressure gets three -- and Bengals will go again. On fourth down, Dalton bounces the ball to A.J. Green, but Randy Starks is offside and it's first down at the 3. Can Starks be released now?
Bernard up the middle for a yard. On second-and-goal at the 2, the 13th play of the drive is play action and Dalton scrambles left and eventually finds Eifert for his second TD catch of the day -- Gipson was back on the field and started to move toward Dalton only to have the ball thrown behind him to Eifert.
9:09 p.m.: On first down, a delay to Crowell gets barely a yard. On second-and-9, Duke Johnson is a receiver and Manziel hits Crowell in the left flat and there's more yards to gain, but he slips at the 46. On third-and-6, Manziel in shotgun has pass in right flat to Gabriel is knocked away by Leon Hall -- Browns using the short pass exclusively so far.
Lee's punt bounces into the end zone -- Browns gunners didn't seem to know where the ball was as there was a chance to down it deep.
9:04 p.m.: On first down at the 15, Dalton can't find anyone open and scrambles up the middle for six. On second-and-4, Hill submarined by Tramon Williams for a yard gain -- a missed tackle there meant 30 yards for Hill, if not more. On third-and-3, Dalton sacked by Desmond Bryant, who beat left Clint Boling.
Kevin Huber's punt bounces at the 45 and caught by Benjamin, who goes down at the 42.there. A good defensive series sets up the offense at midfield.
Bengals 7, Browns 3; end of first quarter
9 p.m.: Adam Jones returns the kickoff 14 yards to the 15 as the quarter ends.
Bengals 7, Browns 3; 0:06 left in first quarter
8:56 p.m.: After a touchback, Browns start on their 20 already with a key series awaiting Manziel.
On first down, Manziel bubble screen left to Taylor Gabriel gets three -- fast reaction by the Bengals. On second-and-7, Duke Johnson finds a seam over left guard for five. On third-and-1 Manziel has forever to throw and eventually finds Jim Dray, who was standing at the 35 for at least four seconds before the throw came -- gets to the 41.
On first down, Manziel to Gary Barnidge gets 10 yards and sends Adam Jones to the bench with a shoulder issue.
At the Bengals 49, Crowell cuts over left guard and is free to the Bengals 36 -- gain of 13. Suddenly there are explosive plays for the Browns.
On first down, I formation for Browns, Crowell lowers his head for three up the middle. On second-and-7, Manziel in empty backfield scrambles for four. On third-and-3 at the 29, Manziel dumpls to Crowell, who makes a nice move against Leon Hall and finds 15 yards at the 15.
The eighth play of the drive is a first-down PASS TO DWAYNE BOWE on a quick slant for four yards. (Yes, caps are merited there, right?).
On second-and-6, Manziel in empty backfield scrambles and makes a nice move at the 10 and slides OB at the 5. Smart decision there.
On first and goal at the 5, Johnson slips trying to cut right against a A-gap blitz by the Bengals, stuffed by Brandon Johnson for a loss of four. On second down at the 9, Manziel rolls left, throws to Gabriel and the fast ball is dropped at the left corner. On third down, Manziel overthrows a double-covered Barnidge at the post.
Travis Coons' 27-yard field goal is good.
Bengals 7, Browns 0; 7:08 left in first quarter
8:43 p.m.: What a choice for Dalton -- pummel the league's worst run defense with Jeremy Hill or torment a shredded secondary with A.J. Green and Tyler Eifert?
On first down, Hill against the troubled right side of the defense for seven. On second-and-3, Hill up the middle for five and a first down at the Bengals 49.
On first down, Dalton hits Tramon Williams in his right arm -- way behind Green. Williams didn't expect such a poor pass, so it's incomplete. On second-and-10, Dalton rolls right on what seems like a blown play and slips down for a loss of a yard. On third-and-11, Dalton in shotgun finds Marvin Jones against Armonty Bryant -- that's a coverage plan by the Browns? -- gets 29 yards over the middle.
On first down, Dalton to Jones for two yards in the right flat, well defensed by Ibraheim Campbell. On second-and-8, Dalton audibles to Hill over the right tackle for no gain, stuffed by John Hughes and Desmond Bryant. On third-and-8, Dalton to Mohamed Sanu right at the sticks at the 12 -- measurement is six inches short.
Bengals will go for it (shock). On fourth down, two tight ends help Hill easily get three yards for the first down.
First and goal at the 9, Dalton in shotgun on a quick slant by Eifert for the touchdown -- Tashaun Gipson was off the line and had no chance of stopping a 6-6, 250-pound tight end.
8:33 p.m.: On first down, a draw to Crowell gets three with the Bengals crowding the line. On second-and-7, Manziel in the shotgun flushed right and throws incomplete to Crowell. On third-and-7, Manziel in the shotgun gets blitzed but beats it with a delayed slant to Travis Benjamin. Gain of nine and a first down.
First down at the 32, Manziel is wide left to Duke Johnson in the left flat. The QB didn't have his feet set, says Doug Dieken. On second-and-10, Crowell gets a yard on a draw -- very little push by the center of the line. On third-and-9, Joe Thomas flinches -- the team's league-leading 16th false start of the season -- and Manziel faces third-and-14. A good pass on a scramble has Benjamin for a first down at midfield, but the ball is dropped with Adam Jones in coverage.
Andy Lee's punt to Adam Jones goes OB at the Bengals 36. Bit of a dud there.
8:27 p.m.: Mike Nugent's kickoff for the Bengals is a touchback, and we're underway.
8:25 p.m.: The Browns call tails, lose the coin toss and will start on offense.
There's always a moment of Nathan Zegura Zen -- "This is a critical game for the Browns to try and get ahead early. ... Look for the Browns to run the ball a lot with Isaiah Crowell and Duke Johnson, no Robert Turbin tonight."
8:15 p.m.: Great opening to the TV broadcast, with Jim Brown speaking before students at Miami University -- Paul Brown's alma mater.
8:10 p.m.: All five predictions by the NFL Networks experts favor the Bengals. A minority have it at least as a single-digit margin.
8:09 p.m.: It could be argued that Bill Livingston has been going with the chalk in predicting the Browns' outcomes this season. On the other hand, 7-1 can't be messed with.
Tonight, here's his prediction for win number nine: "Bengals 31, Browns 13: Heeeere's Johnny. Not that what's left of McCown was much of an option."
8:03 p.m.: From NFL.com's Conor Orr, a prediction of plenty of Cincinnati heat on Manziel tonight.
"The Bengals, despite playing great defense this season, have not been an aggressive blitz team. Actually, they've only sent double-digit blitzes once this season against the Kansas City Chiefs. Manziel, though, might invite a few more defenders in the box. Lewis will already be expecting a run-heavy attack, and Manziel, like he's prone to do, will try and move laterally in the pocket to extend the play and make throws. This leads me to believe that Marvin Lewis will attempt to speed up that process and force Manziel to make the throws he cannot currently make."
7:55 p.m.: Just to make it official, here are the Browns' inactives: QB Josh McCown, CB Joe Haden, S Donte Whitner, DB Jordan Poyer, WR Andrew Hawkins, WR Brian Hartline and LB Jayson DiManche.
Out for the Bengals: LB Rey Maualuga, T Andre Smith, WR Mario Alford, DT Marcus Hardison, CB Chris Lewis-Harris, DT Pat Sims, TE C.J. Uzomah.
No surprise, the Browns' QB is a primary storyline for NFL Network's broadcast, which got this (optimistic?) sound bite from Johnny Football:
Meanwhile, there's this ...