The Tribe closer is right about the Browns not having won a title since 1964. He's just overlooking the small detail that the Indians' last World Series victory was in 1948.
Chuck Crow, The Plain DealerWhen Chris Perez opens his mouth, you never quite know what's going to come out.
This is probably not a good time for Chris Perez to say he grew up with a picture on his wall of the '97 Marlins celebrating.
Chris Perez's opinions don't belong anywhere high on the list of what ails the Indians, but his timing is even more off-beat than it was the last time he tweaked the fan base.
Why bother talking about the peculiarities of the Cleveland sports fan while the team's own peccadilloes are so visibly on display?
Here's the deal people would gladly make with Perez:
You don't muse about why we support a Browns' team that doesn't win and hasn't won, and we won't mention that 1964 is more recent than 1948.
You wonder aloud why we can't get over LeBron James? If it makes you feel better, we're not over the trades of back-to-back Cy Young winners, either.
Leave our single-minded ability to hold a grudge out of the discussion. In return, we'll stop calling attention to your team's unhealthy obsession with left-handed hitters.
Stop scratching your head about why we watch games on TV and in bars but aren't knocking over the turnstiles at Progressive Field. And we won't mention Albert Belle's spot in the lineup occasionally belonging to Jose Lopez, designated for assignment on May 1 and the cleanup hitter three weeks later.
You don't mention our lack of passion at the gate and we won't make too much of Manny Acta's flat-lining in the dugout.
We'll try to understand you better, if you take a minute to understand that there's something we dislike even more than LeBron James.
LeBron James in a Yankees hat.
What Cleveland Fan saw from the Indians against the hated Yankees wasn't much. The only resistance in the first two games was Jack Hannahan arguing with umpire Mike DiMuro and getting tossed.
What Cleveland Fan heard from the Indians in New York was its closer tromping over old ground with New York writers while the season settled further into the sludge of mediocrity.
What else? The manager refusing to get the least bit worked up on behalf of Hannahan.
"Mike felt bad after he found out he missed the call," Acta said of DiMuro.
You want Billy Martin to argue calls for you. Instead you got Alan Alda?
After sweeping the Tigers in May, the Indians have gone 11-19. Their 37-37 record would put them in last place and nine games behind the Yankees in the AL East.
In the AL West, they'd be in third place and almost as far behind the Texas Rangers.
In other words, this is not the best time for any Indians player, even one as successful as Perez in 2012, to be talking about not showing up.
Or, certainly, about not getting excited over a first-place team.
SPINOFFS
•Before playing a single NBA game, Anthony Davis, the presumptive No. 1 pick in the draft, wants to cash in on the expressions "Fear the Brow" and "Raise the Brow."
Said Davis, "I don't want anyone to try to grow a unibrow because of me and then try to make money off it. Me and my family decided to trademark it because it's very unique."
Seriously?
Nobody likes hazing but if this one time it includes three veteran teammates and a pair of tweezers I can get behind it.
•Reds' closer Aroldis Chapman struck out Milwaukee's Martin Maldonado for the last out, then did two somersaults off the mound. His Reds' teammates were as upset with his showboating as the Brewers were.
But it was Martin Maldonado, after all.
•The best thing to happen to Chris Perez Tuesday? Aroldis Chapman.
•Every time a big deal is struck in pro sports, somebody says it's not about the money. It's pretty obvious the only reason university presidents okayed a four-team playoff in college football was because athletes promised to hit the books harder than ever.
•Michael Vick and Adam "Pacman" Jones, two guys who've had their share of issues, spoke to players at the NFL's rookie symposium about handling their lives off the field.
If you were part of the Browns' medical team and they asked you to talk about concussions, would you still feel flattered?
•You'd trade up for Bradley Beal if you think he's another Joe Dumars, who was one of the most underrated talents of the Michael Jordan era. If you think he's Ray Allen, that's nice, just not the same.
•This is the year the Indians answer the question: Is it possible to win a division while accumulating the run differential of the Bad News Bears?
•Umpire Mike DiMuro's blown call Tuesday on Jack Hannahan's foul fly ball is just more evidence of why baseball should expand replay. Give the manager's two challenges.
However much time replay requires is currently taken up by the manager arguing with the ump.
Unless the manager is Manny Acta.
•If the Indians say getting Roberto Hernandez, Grady Sizemore and Travis Hafner back is like acquiring three players at the trade deadline, stick a dollar dog in each ear and don't listen to it.
•Today is the 15-year anniversary of Mike Tyson chomping on Evander Holyfield's ear. Twice. I still like my idea for renaming Tyson's one-man Broadway play "Book of Maiming" but for some reason Spike Lee hasn't bit.
•May was the 15-year anniversary of another biting incident involving a sports figure. Can you name the person and the incident?
The winner receives a MP3 of Marv Albert's signature "Yesssssss" calls.
•You know those commercials where the ball goes out of bounds in a mad scramble and the kid who last touched it admits to the ref it was off him? That kid was not Yankees' left fielder Dewayne Wise.
In fact, that kid would never make it any pro sport other than golf.
•Venus Williams after losing at Wimbledon: "I don't have time to be negative."
Move to Cleveland, Venus. We'll show you how to make time. It's not that hard.
•Chris Berman will do the second game of the opening "Monday Night Football" doubleheader along with former Browns' quarterback Trent Dilfer. I don't want to say Berman's commentary hasn't progressed over the years but I'm expecting the first touchdown call to start with "Yabba-dabba-do."
•Women's tennis officials are taking steps to eliminate excessive grunting during matches.
So sad that it's come to this. In my old house -- next door to the guy who worked on his race car in the driveway -- I used to count on women's tennis to drown out 15,000 rpm.
HE SAID WHAT?
"I got a good payday but I hate the book." -- author Buzz Bissinger, admitting he did LeBron James' "Shooting Stars" book for all the wrong reasons.
You might think this sums up how I feel about "Spin" except you'd be wrong about the good payday.
YOU SAID IT
(The Expanded Midweek Edition)
"Bud: Remind me why NBA players fist bump after missing foul shots?" -- Tom Hoffner
Human nature. We do the same thing at the PD after leaving participles dangling.
"Hey Bud: Looking beyond LeBron's championship, can anyone seriously doubt Colt McCoy will some day win a Super Bowl with another team?" -- Ron
You mean a bookend to the one he'll win with the Steelers?
"Hey Bud: White Sox shortstop Alexei Ramirez apparently smoked a cigar in the dugout before a recent game. Have you ever 'lit one up' before you sat down to write your column?" -- Doug, Westlake
No. I wait for evidence that the PD actually printed the column first. Then I light up only after a double somersault.
"Bud: Do you think if you were at one of the big market papers in NYC or L.A. you could actually be dating Mila Kunis instead of writing about it?" -- Nate J, Brunswick
Not according to the terms of the restraining order.
"Hey Bud: Any chance that on top of the wind turbine at Progressive Field someone will add a giant half dome with a slot 12" wide by 3' deep running the diameter from edge to edge? That way it will look like a giant screw slowly turning." -- Patrick McGinty, Bay Village
And for some reason Chris Perez still thinks you people are tough to please.
"Bud: Now that LeBron James has won a championship, do you still wake up in the morning with the same problems you had the day before?" -- Chas K
First-time "You said it" winners receive a T-shirt from the mental_floss collection.
"Bud: Are you organizing a 'cash mob' for the Indians when they return to Progressive Field?" -- SGT Major
Repeat winners get lost in the crowd.