Finally, a World Cup soccer team to unite all Americans. The spoiled, vanquished French -- Bud Shaw writes in his Spin column.
France's Franck Ribery was undressed and his team's unhappy state was exposed after Tuesday's loss to South Africa and quick exit from the World Cup. Which isn't a bad thing, says Bud Shaw.CLEVELAND, Ohio -- You know, those soccer balls can develop a nasty spin ...
Five things that guarantee this World Cup will have a happy ending.
• Now that the deserving Americans advanced to the knockout stage with a dramatic 1-0 victory over an Algeria team so satisfied with the notion of a tie you might have thought Gordon Gee was the delegation chief, everything else is gravy.
• The French got eliminated.
• The French are done.
• Gone.
• Kaput.
Yes, finally a World Cup team to unite all Americans.
France.
A team that made the Yankees, Wall Street, BP and Lady Gaga seem entirely embraceable.
The World Cup doesn't always offer a legitimate chance to pull for the U.S. past the group stage. And, face it, it doesn't exactly give us a traditional enemy to root against every four years. There's no Pittsburgh to the U.S. World Cup team. This year, you couldn't go wrong with the French even without the Americans playing Les Bleus.
Don't get me wrong. It's not about the French denying us use of their airspace and protesting the invasion of Iraq. OK, so maybe it is the airspace thing a little.
It's more the French never really belonged in this World Cup. They qualified after a handball went uncalled back in November in a match against Ireland. When they arrived in South Africa with a track record of entitled behavior aboard their Airbus A380, they showed total disdain for the event.
There were words -- but no handshakes -- exchanged between French coach Raymond Domenech (left) and South Africa's Carlos Alberto Parreira. Which pretty much ends the argument that only Americans can act like children at sports events.They called a strike and stayed away from practice in protest of French coach Raymond Domenech dismissing Nicolas Anelka for insubordination. Team captain Patrick Eva decried the unnamed "traitor" who leaked the tirade against his coach to the media.
The general manager of the soccer federation quit and flew home.
Domenech, who consults astrology in devising his lineups and strategies, refused to shake the hand of South African coach Carlos Alberto Parreira after a 2-1 loss to the host country.
Team officials made their spoiled underachievers fly coach back to Paris immediately after the loss. I'll bet they even had to settle for a Grade B caviar.
"Laughing Stock of the World," read a headline in the Irish Times. That was slightly different than the motto the French team brought to South Africa:
"All together for a new dream."
Look, I hate to admit it. Watching the high and mighty disintegrate appeals to me. It's a character flaw, I know. I just like it.
As a casual World Cup fan, I was looking for a Godsend and got one. I was looking for something that could help me relate.
There was a familiarity about all that dissension that attracted me. People arguing. Finger pointing. Leaving in a huff. It reminds me of most family gatherings I attend.
Merci, France.
If you thought Jarts were dangerous...
The U.S. Olympic Committee is introducing Backyard Games, a concept providing Americans with the opportunity to celebrate the Olympic spirit at Fourth of July barbecues in part by adapting Olympic and Paralympic sports for the backyard.
The Backyard Games kit consists of an apron, cones/megaphones, flying discs and bumper stickers emblazoned with USOC branding.
And, I'm only guessing here, javelins, 16-pound shots and hard hats?
SPINOFFS
Kevin Durant isn't a free agent, but he hasn't even learned to make his current employers and fans nervous about his future plans.The Cavs have tinkered with their logo. They'll go with a deeper wine color to signify the red they'll be bleeding if LeBron James leaves...
Hey, Chris Paul would welcome a trade if the Hornets aren't serious about winning a championship. Now there's a news flash. I thought he'd want to stay...
Kevin Durant, the NBA scoring leader, can negotiate an extension with the Thunder on July 1 and says "hopefully something gets done." You can understand why he's so interested in staying. Not every NBA star has the luxury of getting drafted into a mega-market like Oklahoma City...
Maybe Durant will vow to light up Oklahoma City like...Des Moines?
If LeBron leaves, the Cavs will have an obvious choice as head coach: Mike Brown ...
The Pittsburgh Pirates fired one of the people who races as a pierogi after he criticized contract extensions given to GM Neal Huntington and manager John Russell on his Facebook page. On Wednesday, he was rehired. I can't believe I just wrote that...
HE SAID IT
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
"Oh please. Wake me when it's over. Get an act. Rhinestone bikinis and giving people the finger." -- Jerry Seinfeld, on the antics of Lady Gaga, who was ushered to his empty suite at a recent Mets' game after causing an uproar and without his permission.
YOU SAID IT
"With the World Cup in full swing, is it true Anderson Varejao is moonlighting as Flopping Coach for his native Brazil?" -- Vince
Could be. I thought I saw him on the field dressed as a priest and administering last rites.
"Bud:
"Can you confirm which year the Indians will have to trade Carlos Santana for three Double-A prospects?" -- Tom H
Don't be such a pessimist. Provided they move the team to Santo Domingo, Santana is said to be willing to offer the Indians a hometown discount.
"Bud:
"A bunch of us Spin fans are planning to host a gala Bud Shaw Appreciation Day at Cleveland Browns Stadium next Saturday. Do you think you could drop by for a few moments?" -- Martin M
First, to save space, I believe that could be held in a VW Beetle. Second, I can't promise anything. I will only say that wherever I go from here -- delivery route, nursing home -- Spin readers will always be in my heart.
"Dear Bud:
"For Dan Gilbert, the bright side of a Cavs' meltdown without LeBron is that he has a Loan Arena within a dice toss of his casino." -- Michael S.
Don't dismiss the "Checks Cashed" sign that will adorn the arena either.
"Bud:
"To better follow the footsteps of his idol Michael Jordan, do you think LeBronx will sign with the New York Knicks as a stepping stone to playing for the team he really loves, the Yankees?" -- Chas
Having seen LeBron take batting practice once, I think the odds are better he'll ride the winner at the next Kentucky Derby.
"Hey Bud:
"I saw where North Korea cut its live broadcast of its World Cup soccer match after falling behind, 7-0, versus Portugal. Any chance Kim Jung Il II can control our beloved Cleveland Indians broadcasts?" -- Dave A.
First-time You Said It winners receive a T-shirt from the Mental Floss collection. Repeat winners get a two-year stay at a guard tower in the Demilitarized Zone.