If Cavs fans are going to spend energy enticing anyone, they should try enticing Jeff Van Gundy to be the next coach, Bud Shaw writes in his Sunday Spin.
When it comes to LeBron James, a group mentality has always symbolized the reaction -- for good or ill -- from Cavaliers fans. But Bud Shaw has a few novel ideas for the next few stressful weeks.
CLEVELAND, Ohio -- "Beards for 'Bron" is WKNR's effort to show LeBron James how much he's loved.
Frankly, it seems a little misguided, like refusing to shower in hopes of convincing Halle Berry to date you.
At best, that energy could be better spent on a different front. James knows what he has going here. Family. Friends. A global reach despite the market size. He's enjoyed seven seasons of hero worship and one or two post-games of criticism. Who wouldn't take that ratio in their work place?
James will either stay after an ego-massaging free-agent tour or he'll minimize the previous seven years of neck rubs he got here and decide to go somewhere else.
Either way Spin readers can get involved by joining one of two more meaningful groups.
The first is for the more active fan, the Type A personality, who feels he has to do something. Go unshaven or Climb The Q in a gorilla costume. Or grow his hair like a gorilla and save on the suit.
The other group, which I'll discuss later, is for the rest of us who don't mind getting involved in a civic endeavor but who really aren't that committed, like to take frequent naps, and want to be especially careful not to break a sweat.
If James leaves, owner Dan Gilbert is going to need to make a splash. One way is to hire the right coach. That's why we're announcing, "Van Dykes for Van Gundy."
Jeff Van Gundy could start a new look in Northeast Ohio, if Bud Shaw's idea to campaign for the former NBA coach pans out.Yes, Jeff Van Gundy would be a perfect fit for the Cavs, with or without James.
(Hold off on the emails. I did consider "Fu Manchus for Phil." But there's a better chance Drew Carey will invite City Council to tell him how to run "The Price is Right" than Phil Jackson coming to Cleveland.)
Van Gundy should be the target of Gilbert's money-throw to land a new bench leader and Gilbert shouldn't take no for an answer.
He would bring instant credibility to a rebuilding organization if James takes off. And if James stays, Van Gundy has the name recognition and respect to succeed in coaching a superstar.
Sure, James might still expect the head coach to bring him coffee. But Van Gundy won't hesitate, when the occasion calls for it, to tell James what he doesn't want to hear even if it's "Sorry, LBJ, they were out of Half-and-Half."
Van Gundy likes his life in the broadcast booth and won't be easily persuaded to change. But an entire city of men wearing Van Dykes would identify Cleveland as the kind of place ... well ... the kind of place where people can be talked into pretty much anything.
But I believe Spin's second group will end up with more members than "Beards for 'Bron" or "Van Dykes for Van Gundy." That's why I am announcing "Baldies Not Necessarily for 'Bron."
I'm not suggesting shaving your head (Look where that got Danny Ferry and Mike Brown, after all). No, this is much more passive and maintenance-free. Members simply vow to let their hairlines continue to recede no matter what happens.
There are only two rules:
No buying toupees.
No begging LeBron.
This is for people who would like to see James stay for the good of the city, but are committed to letting his free agency follow the same course as nature.
Two ways you don't spell "Relief" -- Jose Mesa and Anamika Veeramani
It's true, Anamika Veeramani has ended a 46-year drought. Does that make you feel better? Does it?The first line of a story on 14-year-old Anamika Veeramani of North Royalton winning the National Spelling Bee reads, "Who says Cleveland can't win a championship?"
Really now, what does one have to do with the other? I mean, it's not like we don't routinely produce spelling bee winners.
"She broke a long Ohio drought..." the story continued.
Yes, but it's not like there's a correlation between the last Ohio winner and the last championship in Cleveland.
"...becoming the first bee winner from the state since 1964."
Just in case God still has an ear turned toward Cleveland sports fans -- and there is no evidence of that but just in case -- altogether now, "This doesn't count, right?"
Next Shaq takes on a math whiz to name The Dif in 120-88 game...
Shaquille O'Neal has challenged 14-year-old Kavya Shivashankar, the 2009 winner of the National Spelling Bee, to a spelling contest as part of his "Shaq vs." reality show.
Tensions are expected to mount when Shaq asks for the definition of "blitzkrieg" and the judge says, "Game 5 against the Celtics."
SPINOFFS
The people behind SendLeBrontoChicago.com bought a billboard advertising their desire to land James in free agency. The billboard slogan: "Unfinished Business." What? Michael Jordan won six NBA championships and the goal was seven?
Cleveland fans should have the final say on what qualifies as unfinished business. Also "unstarted business"...
President Obama shifted directions and said how wonderful it would be for James to stay in Cleveland, this after telling Marv Albert what a good fit he'd be in Chicago. I'm sure the people of the Gulf Coast were relieved to hear him set that straight...
Ken Griffey Jr. retired again, this time not just to go sleep in the clubhouse...
Opponents of instant replay in baseball say reviewing plays will slow the game down too much. ... As if the game is much better being slowed down by managers fruitlessly arguing with umpires...
Instant replay would've only preserved a historic night for Detroit pitcher Armando Galarraga and protected a good umpire, Jim Joyce, from a mistake that will now become the first line in his obit. Other than that, why bother with such a newfangled technology...
YOU SAID IT
With some daunting concession prices and a losing team, about the only thing to root for at Progressive Field is enough empty seats around you to make it easy to catch a free souvenir.(The Expanded "Take that, Pittsburgh; We won the spelling bee" Sunday Edition)
"Dear Bud:
"Is it true Anamika Veeramani was not eliminated when she spelled "LeBron" G-O-N-E?" -- Michael
It's always good to start off with some uniquely Cleveland positive energy.
"Bud:
"I think the back of a baseball ticket should warn you about concession prices, not foul balls." -- Matt
In a free market like ours, it's all about choice: a ballpark beer, college tuition or your very own Rembrandt.
"Bud:
"Is the phrase 'LeBron James' the new drinking game in Cleveland?" -- Violet
Good one. Like our fans need a game to drink.
"Hey Bud:
"Regarding Anamika Veeramani winning the National Spelling Bee, is it too soon for 'Cleveland+' to start the campaign to keep her from going to Harvard? 'Born here, raised here, spells here, stays here!'" -- Laszlo
Yes. Too soon. Let's wait for her to get her priorities in order, drop her plans to become a cardiovascular surgeon and excel at a sport.
"Hey Bud:
"I bet that if you took The Expanded Sunday Edition of You Said It and slowly read each item and your response over and over and over and over and over again, you might have enough material to fill a 3-hour radio show just like Jim Rome's." -- Pat
Good take. Excellent. Nice. Well done. Very good take. Really excellent. Rinse and repeat.
"Bud:
"Do you think Tiger Woods and Hank Haney ended their association because they disagreed on what a swing coach was supposed to do?" -- Joe
First-time "You Said It" winners receive a T-shirt from the Mental Floss collection.
"Bud:
"Would you happen to have Jim Joyce's address? I have to deliver a bouquet of flowers and a 'Thank You' note from the CEO of BP." -- Pat
Repeat winners receive an all-expenses-paid snorkeling trip off the coast of Louisiana.