Colt McCoy's first NFL start against the Steelers on the road won't be easy but it doesn't have to be a horror movie, Bud Shaw writes in his Sunday Spin.
View full sizeBeware young quarterbacks ... trying to learn the NFL game while playing the Steelers can be hazardous to your health, says Bud Shaw.CLEVELAND, Ohio -- If the Browns go into a shell on offense, be afraid, be very afraid.
The film industry long ago identified the predicaments that make an audience squeamish to the point of wanting to turn away.
• The dentist chair torture scene in "Marathon Man."
• Kathy Bates wielding a sledgehammer in "Misery."
• Medics digging into a wounded soldier's thigh in "Black Hawk Down" in search of his femoral artery. Spoiler alert: no luck.
• The chainsaw sequence in "Scarface."
• NFL Films archived copy of rookie Charlie Frye against the Steelers defense on Christmas Eve 2005.
Assuming Eric Mangini doesn't panic and send Jake Delhomme out on one leg -- he's done it twice already this season -- or cap a week of deception by playing Brett Ratliff, Colt McCoy should get a chance to write the script Sunday in Heinz Field.
A rookie making his first NFL start on the road against the NFL's best defense would portend enough doom all by itself. Throw in Peyton Hillis compromised by injury, a passing game as buttoned down as George Will, the Steelers with fresh legs coming off a bye, and the return of repentant Ben Roethlisberger.
You get the equivalent of a sadistic Nazi dentist performing a root canal with no anesthesia.
No, it's not safe, young QB. It's not safe at all.It doesn't have to get that painful for McCoy. It just requires a less conservative approach than we've seen from Mangini and offensive coordinator Brian Daboll. It requires keeping the Steelers honest by throwing on first downs. And it wouldn't hurt -- this is where we get crazy radical here -- to throw farther than six yards downfield occasionally.
Asking McCoy to hand off to Hillis twice and then make something happen on third and seven is dooming him to failure.
In discussing the possibility of going into Pittsburgh with McCoy at QB, Mangini mentioned Arizona beating New Orleans last week behind undrafted Max Hall.
"They set the tone," Mangini said of the Cardinals.
I hope he was talking about the Arizona defense. Hall was intercepted once, had a fumble luckily recovered by a teammate and was sacked four times. The Cardinals rushed for 1.7 yards per carry and had only 12 first downs and 194 total yards of offense.
Hall was 17-of-27 for 168 yards and a 65.0 passer rating. (Nothing too impressive, but the Browns would probably take it right now from McCoy.)
If the Browns circle wagons instead of attacking, though, they'd better figure on a couple defensive touchdowns. That, too, was part of Arizona's recipe. They'll need big plays from Josh Cribbs in the return game and in the wildcat (remember that?)
They'll need to be aggressive on first down.
In other words, if they're going to play Colt McCoy at quarterback, they have to let him play quarterback.
When it came to C.C. Sabathia's salary parameters, the Indians weren't even in the same neighborhood...
Sabathia gave a USA Today reporter access for a recent story. In setting the scene, the writer noted that the former Indians' pitcher had just come back from "a haircut in the salon of his 18,000-square-foot home."
(Similarly, after a bathroom expansion in my rambling 1,500-square foot West Park bungalow, I now have room for a shower caddy.)
Sabathia lives in a $15 million home in the same community as Britney Spears and Jay-Z. The house has six bedrooms, an indoor basketball court and a spa.
Not signing a long-term deal in Cleveland had to be a tough call for Sabathia. Not just because it was home for so long.
I'm told the Indians were willing to throw in multiple 10-percent coupons at Great Cuts.
The fact that he didn't claim he was injured in a shootout is a clear sign of Gilbert Arenas' maturity...
The Washington Wizards guard faked an injury so a teammate could play in an exhibition game. The Wizards fined him $50,000 for it.
Talk about inviting bad karma. A couple days later, Arenas had to leave a game with a legitimate groin pull.
If Arenas wants another day off at some point, his family should hope he doesn't make up a story about attending the funeral of a close relative.
Soon, you may have to watch C-SPAN to see a filibuster.
The NBA Players Association is threatening legal action over the league's attempt to curtail player griping.
The union objects to new guidelines that require refs to whistle players for technicals if they find the players protesteth too much. Union chief Billy Hunter says the changes "may harm our product."
Put Knicks' big man Amare Stoudemire in the dissenting camp.
"It's for the betterment of the NBA, it's the betterment of teams and players, so we have to adjust," Stoudemire said. "It makes it a clean game, a fun game. You let the officials do their jobs, and we do ours."
Nice try. There's no room in this discussion for that kind of clear logic.
YOU SAID IT
Elbow pain and the inconvenience of living in a digital photo world -- and just getting old -- provide plenty of reasons for failure for Brett Favre.(The Slightly Expanded Sunday Edition)
"Bud:
"Have the current Browns ever received an excessive celebration flag?" -- Jim Tahey
Yes. When the first time they crossed midfield against the Ravens in the second half, refs flagged them for "excessive use of confetti."
"Dear Bud:
"If Colt McCoy beats the Stillers, will the Dawg Pound turn into the Corral?" -- Michael Sarro
Yes. The Flying Pig Corral.
"Bud:
"Separated at birth: Former NBA coach Mike Dunleavy and actor Ed Lauter." -- Jeff Heldt
I thought you were going to say Colt McCoy and shark chum.
"Bud:
"I couldn't help but notice that Brett Favre grabbed his elbow after errant passes against the Jets. I had flashbacks to last May. Do I detect the athletic equivalent of "the dog ate my homework?" -- Jim Lefkowitz
Make fun of LeBron's elbow injury if you want. But I feel for him. He suffered through a very difficult period this summer when he could only pat himself on the back with one hand instead of two.
"Bud:
"I've been watching ESPN and see kids with hoodies and sunglasses playing cards. Is that a sport?" -- Tom Hoffner
It depends. Were they sitting in the home dugout at Progressive Field wearing "Hello, My Name Is..." buttons?
"Bud:
"Some folks worry about Joe Thomas' performance against Atlanta. Throughout his outstanding career, his accomplishments have been exceptional and he has been selected to three Pro Bowls. Therefore, it's illogical for fans to be doubting Thomas." -- Jim D., Richmond Heights
You went farther for that punch line than John Abraham did to sack Seneca Wallace.
"Bud:
"Does Brett Favre have a lot of junk e-mail?" -- Joe S.
First-time "You Said It" winners receive a T-shirt from the Mental Floss collection. Repeat winners get the girl, unless the girl is Jenn Sterger.