In the search for the quirky and nonsensical side of sports, Manny Ramirez is never far off the radar, Bud Shaw writes in his Sunday Spin
View full sizeIs it only a matter of time before Manny Ramirez conducts a news conference in pig Latin?If there's a God, the Miami Heat won't win and Manny Ramirez won't retire until he runs the bases backward or announces he's pregnant.
This could be Manny Ramirez's last season.
Or not.
He says he is awaiting further orders on that front.
"Only God knows if I'm going to stop or keep playing," Ramirez told reporters upon arriving in Boston with his Chicago White Sox teammates. "He's going to let me know, 'Hey, that's it. It's over.' Only God is going to tell me when to stop. I'm not going to go out and say this is my last year. He hasn't told me that."
I know. You're thinking there's probably a good reason why the 38-year-old Ramirez is still in the dark as far as his future goes.
God has to wait for Joey Cora to help translate.
Between the interview Ramirez conducted in Spanish at Progressive Field last week and his arrival in Boston for the second leg of his Old Home Tour 48 hours later, it was as if Ramirez had mastered Rosetta Stone's English language software.
He showed up there sounding like Henry Higgins in "My Fair Lady."
So that can't be it.
Whatever the delay, I hope Ramirez plays on.
Preferably with an American League team. That would allow him to return to Cleveland over and over, increasing the chances he'll hold at least one news conference in pig Latin.
He could also use the time to make things right with people. At his current pace he's going to need a few years to do it.
It took him a while to apologize for the 50-game suspension stemming from his use of a fertility drug suspected of masking steroid use. And even longer for how things ended in Boston.
A dugout fight with Kevin Youkilis. Forcing a trade. Refusing to swing the bat at all during one at-bat. That was in 2008. In 2010, he said he was sorry.
"I think everything was my fault," Ramirez told the Boston media. "But, hey, you've got to be a real man to realize when you do wrong."
He made a similarly strained exit from Los Angeles.
Batting as a pinch hitter with the bases loaded and his team trailing, Ramirez got ejected for arguing balls and strikes.
After one pitch.
It was his way of telling the Dodgers he was done with them, that he didn't appreciate all the bench time he was getting.
It takes a real Manny to do that.
If this is his last year, Spin is going to miss him dearly.
I don't doubt God's role in this decision either.
In a constant search for the ridiculous, sublime, quirky and nonsensical side of sports, Spin has always considered Manny Ramirez heaven sent.
Words can sting
Wrestling, anyone? . . .
View full sizeA fight breaks out between fans during a match between Novak Djokovic and Philipp Petzschner at the U.S. Open on Thursday.A brawl erupted in the crowd at the U.S. Open during a match between Serbian Novak Djokovic and Philipp Petzschner.
"We couldn't really see what was going on," Djokovic said. "I hope it was no Serbian up there."
A Serbian? My guess was a McEnroe.
The New York Post reported the brawl stemmed from an issue over vocabulary.
That means different things in the context of a tennis crowd. They could've argued over whether Djokovic's shorts were "off-white" or "eggshell."
Spinoffs
Tiger Woods took out a $54.6 million mortgage, presumably stemming from his divorce settlement. He's contracted to pay it off by 2016 whereas you and I probably couldn't do it any sooner than 2020.
Floyd Mayweather Jr. unleashed what is being called a "profanity-filled racist and homophobic Internet rant" against Manny Pacquiao. . . . And boxing people will tell you they consider MMA uncivilized.
The preservation of Michigan-Ohio State wasn't the only traditional rivalry concern for the Big Ten in realigning into divisions. There were others. Northwestern and Illinois, for instance, will face each other for The Land of Lincoln Trophy, thereby heading off shrugs of indifference.
Fans in Ohio and Michigan can rest easy knowing the one cross-state rivalry that really matters will continue to stand the test of time: Browns-Lions in late August.
In the 100-degree heat burning up the playing field at the Horseshoe when Ohio State met Marshall Thursday, one early question was answered. Yes, apparently Dry Fit does make sweater vests.
He said it
"You can't have the cavalry come in and save your butt every time you feel a little stiff shoulder, sore elbow." -- Washington Nationals TV analyst Rob Dibble, on his XM Sirius Radio show after Stephen Strasburg grabbed his elbow and left the field.
Correction. I meant former Washington Nationals analyst Rob Dibble.
You said it, the Streamlined Sunday Edition
Bud: What surprises you less? That Montario Hardesty is out for the season or that Butch Davis has a 'tiny little' problem down at UNC? -- Jim
That the FBI is probing corruption in county government.
Bud: In your experience, has surgery on a professional athlete ever been reported as not a success? -- Tom Hoffner
No. When it involves a Cleveland athlete, it's just assumed.
Bud: What did the good fans of Northeast Ohio ever do to deserve all this woe? First we get dumped by Dame LeBron, and now Jim Brown goes all diva on us. Next thing you know, Betty White will storm off to Pittsburgh. -- Martin
Take the advice of Phil Savage who always warned against that woe-is-us attitude. If you can't handle it here, one option would be to #@!$ to Buffalo.
Bud: The Chicago Cubs interviewed Eric Wedge for their manager's job. If he gets it will you go work for The Chicago Tribune, so you can start up 'Wedge Speak' again? -- Angelo, Cleveland
It's a process. If a job opens, all I can do is stick my nose, grind in there, do my best, go home, separate, come back the next day and grind some more.
Bud: That crafty Eric Mangini waited until the last moment to reveal who would start the Chicago game, Brett Ratliff or Colt McCoy. I bet Rod Marinelli (Bears defensive coordinator) was pulling his hair out all week! -- Pat
It's only preseason. But as a coach if you get the opportunity to hide the identity of the quarterback who's going to fumble the first snap, you have to do it.
Hey, Bud: The NFL's latest attempt to make more money, "Hard Knocks," is rapidly becoming a fan favorite. Rumor has it the PD Sports Department is going to air a similar show. Can you confirm this rumor? -- Doug Beckler
Yes. And I am training with the same Ab Roller used by Rex Ryan.
Bud: It appears Jim Brown turned down a six-figure job to just occasionally show up and make personal appearances around town. Isn't that job already held by Frank Jackson? -- The Albatross
First-time "You said it" winners receive a T-shirt from the mental_floss collection.
"Dear Bud: Given the Browns' lousy record, could it be that football great Jim Brown, for a half a million a year, was really Lerner's soccer adviser?" -- Michael Sarro
Repeat winners receive an indirect kick.
To reach Bud Shaw: bshaw@plaind.com, 216-999-5639