If Roger Clemens chopped down a cherry tree, would anyone be surprised if he claimed self-defense?
Roger Clemens, left, listens to the testimony of Brian McNamee, his former personal trainer, in 2008 on Capitol Hill in Washington.If Roger Clemens chopped down a cherry tree, would anyone be surprised if he claimed self-defense?
A grand jury indicted Roger Clemens on six counts of obstruction of justice and lying to Congress under oath.
Victor Conte, who served time for distributing steroids in the BALCO scandal, thinks the government's case against Clemens is significantly stronger than its case against Barry Bonds.
Clemens says he's looking forward to his day in court. A conviction is hardly assured.
But when Victor Conte thinks it looks bad for you, it might be time to get your highlights done in a color that doesn't clash with an orange jumpsuit.
Spin reviews the Case Against and the Case For Roger Clemens:
•The Case Against: The 2000 World Series between the Yankees and Mets is inadmissible, but it's what many think of when they think of Clemens.
In the first inning of Game 2, Clemens shattered the bat of nemesis Mike Piazza. Fielding a piece of the bat, Clemens threw it in Piazza's direction as Piazza ran toward first.
"I had no idea Mike was running," Clemens said.
Yep. Hitters, like lovers, usually start with first base.
Clemens later said he thought the bat was a ball.
Does this sound like the George Washington of Major League Baseball?
•The Case For: Clemens wasn't subpoenaed when he testified in front of a House committee in 2008. He could've refused the request or showed up and taken the Fifth.
Instead, he made 15 statements denying he used steroids or HGH. He has to be innocent, right? Nobody could be this dumb.
• The Case Against: Bloody gauze, vials and needles kept by Clemens' trainer, Brian McNamee, who claims he injected Clemens more than a dozen times with HGH and steroids between 1998 and 2001.
• The Case For: McNamee kept the needles in an old beer can. For eight years. Unless it's a hermetically sealed vault shaped like a beer can, that doesn't exactly make the evidence seem tamper proof.
• The Case Against: Yankees pitcher Andy Pettitte says Clemens told him of his HGH use.
• The Case For: Clemens says Pettitte "misheard" him, that he actually told Pettitte of a TV show where three older men spoke of how HGH helped them get back their quality of life.
OK, so it doesn't sound as much like a reason to believe Clemens as it does a script for "Cocoon III."
• The Case Against: McNamee says he injected Clemens' wife before she did a photo shoot for the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. How would she know he had a working knowledge of HGH injections if all he'd given Clemens was a fruit smoothie and a One-A-Day?
• The Case For: Maybe Clemens, like most guys, walks around his house oblivious to dust bunnies, breakfast dishes on the counter and friends stepping into the master bedroom with his wife.
• The Case Against: The guy was throwing 97 miles an hour at age 96. That doesn't happen.
•The Case For: Jose Canseco, who's been mostly correct about drug use in baseball, says he never saw Clemens use steroids or HGH.
That's what it's come down to for Clemens, a seven-time Cy Young winner.
Jose Canseco might be is his No. 1 character witness.
Nenad Krstic, left, of Serbia throws a chair toward Greece's Yannis Bouroussis, third left, who did not take part in the game, during the Acropolis tournament at the indoor Olympic stadium of Athens, Thursday, Aug. 19, 2010. The friendly basketball tournament finished in a brawl as the last game between Serbia and Greece was abandoned with 2:40 to go when a fight broke out and the benches cleared on Thursday. Chair picking
Shouldn't he have thrown some clothes instead?
Serbia's Nenad Krstic, a center for the Oklahoma City Thunder, was released from police custody Friday after wielding a chair in a brawl with Greece.
"I believe he acted in self-defense and grabbed a chair after some half-naked [Greek] fans rushed into the court," said Serbian coach Dusan Ivkovic. "The chair fell from his hand and grazed [Greece's Yannis] Bouroussis."
Two things.
Roger Clemens' defense suddenly sounds plausible.
And I can see the Facebook group forming already: "Make Nenad Krstic a Cavalier by Nov. 2."
Something to talk about
Why do Homer Simpson and a certain next-door neighbor come to mind?
Jets coach Rex Ryan says he smoothed things over with Tony Dungy after Dungy was critical of Ryan's foul language in an episode of HBO's "Hard Knocks."
Ryan, who thought Dungy unfairly judged him, told reporters they aired out their differences. Ryan termed the discussion "heated" at times.
That description requires some perspective. It's hard to imagine Dungy losing his temper and swearing.
More probably it means he swore on Maude Flanders' grave that he was not okely-dokely-do with the way Ryan is representing the league.
You said it (The Expanded Sunday Edition)
"Bud: In 2030, what players do you think will be at the Indians' fantasy camp?" -- Jeffery G
You mean besides Bob Feller?
"Bud: When performing 'Script Ohio,' has the Ohio State band ever misspelled Ohio?" -- Tom Hoffner, Broadview Heights
Never on game day. Only after one of those legendary nights of band camp debauchery when somebody smuggled in a six-pack of O'Douls and a game of Uno spilled into the wee hours.
"Bud: Do you think if the Indians can lure Mario Mendoza out of retirement, he could be a middle-of-the-order hitter for the Tribe?" -- Jim Lefkowitz, Pepper Pike
Interesting thought. He just could be available since The Mendoza Line of uncorked, lightly used bats never sold the way he'd hoped.
"Bud: Do you think LeBron decided it was OK to go play second fiddle to D-Wade when he saw that Scottie Pippen made the Hall of Fame?" -- Ryan Tirk, Strongsville
Either that or when he saw Robert Wagner's depiction of "No. 2" in "Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery."
"Bud: I always wondered where those ridiculous seats on top of the Green Monster [in Boston's Fenway Park] came from until I saw an Adrian Beltre HR ball bounce off Wally Cox, then Paul Lynde before landing on the lap of Charlie Weaver." -- Jack Chase, Brook Park
First-time "You said it" winners receive a T-shirt from the mental_floss collection.
"Bud: Since Travis Hafner's power has diminished, is it true the Indians are relocating Pronkville to the edge of the right-field warning track?" -- Joe
Repeat winners receive a cortisone shot in a body part to be named.
"Bud: Last Saturday, Josh Bard and Kelly Shoppach, both former Cleveland Indians catchers, hit grand slams to win the game for their new teams. Do you think Lou Marson is just biding his time?" -- Pat
Repeat winners also receive a copy of "Catcher in the Wry" by Bob Uecker, who once said this of his underwhelming career in baseball: "I hit a grand slam off Ron Herbel, and when his manager, Herman Franks, came out to get him, he was bringing Herbel's suitcase."