There's always need for damage control in the sports world as LeBron James, Rick Pitino, Albert Haynesworth and others prove, Bud Shaw writes in his Spin column.
View full sizeIf you're thinking that for $21 million Albert Haynesworth should be in good enough shape to do more than prove he's faster than tackling dummies, you'll probably get a lot of nodding heads around the Redskins' camp.CLEVELAND, Ohio -- Proof that not all publicity is good publicity...
A fraction of high school and college athletes make it in the pros. Many who do have short careers.
So if you're looking to make a living in sports, especially in this economy, go into a line of work where your services are guaranteed to be in great demand for years and years.
Such as sports public relations. Image polishing. More to the point, damage control. A small sampling underlines this growing field:
LeBron James. Who's advising this guy? Rod Blagojevich?Has anyone done more to soil an image in two months' time than James? OK, aside from BP? What's his next genius move to ingratiate himself to his home state? Publishing a book of jokes about the river burning?
Albert Haynesworth. The Redskins' defensive lineman took at $21 million signing bonus, but doesn't want to change positions in new coach Mike Shanahan's 3-4. Me? I'm changing whatever you want for $21 million, including my name to Budette.
Chris Paul. You have two years remaining on your contract. You play in a city crippled by crushing disasters, natural and otherwise. Somebody stop him before he refers to Hurricane Katrina as "a little gust."
Rick Pitino. Anybody reading the sordid details of his extortion case against Karen Sypher stemming from a sexual encounter in a closed Italian restaurant knows the difference between an average person's 15 seconds of fame and what will now be remembered as Pitino's 15 seconds of infamy.
The French World Cup team. As long as the French football players are around to re-define the word "quit," LeBron James couldn't be happier. They were so fractured by ego and so embarrassed their homeland in quickly bowing out of South Africa, it's surprising they weren't denied French air space when returning home.
Alex Rodriguez. Six hundred home runs should be reason to strike up the band for a confetti parade down Broadway. His steroid admission downgrades that to a single kazoo.
Jim Gray. He got hammered by public opinion when he grilled Pete Rose on national TV years ago. It was just as bad when he tossed softballs to James for "The Decision." He's in more desperate need of middle ground than the Redskins and Haynesworth.
The NBA. Good luck curbing the player egos the league helped create. Dr. Frankenstein had less reason to feel guilty after the monster escaped.
It's a heckuva time for Roger Goodell to turn into the good cop...
First, the NFL commissioner took no action against Tennessee quarterback Vince Young for a tussle at a Dallas strip club. Then he decided against further punishment for Michael Vick after a shooting -- not involving Vick -- happened at a birthday party in Virginia Beach.
Now, Goodell is hinting Ben Roethlisberger will be off suspension in time to face the Browns in October.
During a visit to Ravens camp, Goodell said the Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback is going above and beyond the league's mandate as part of a six-game suspension stemming from a sexual assault accusation.
It's understandable if Cleveland fans feel they're the victims of a great conspiracy after the happenings of the past few months. But Spin has learned that Roethlisberger truly is surpassing the league's stringent behavioral standards.
Not only is he helping old ladies across the street, he's only asked one for her phone number.
SPINOFFS
It's only speculation that Brett Favre was telling these Oak Grove (Miss.) high-school players "hey, if you know whether I'm retiring, you know more than I do."And for the seventh day, Haynesworth rested...
I didn't think it were possible, but the Vegas odds now favor a LeBron James-Dan Gilbert national anthem duet on Dec. 2 over Haynesworth passing his training camp conditioning test...
Unless those conditioning tests involve a snow-capped peak and a sherpa, they really shouldn't take more than one or two attempts...
The Little League World Series is allowing its manager to challenge calls as part of its instant replay system. ... In 10 or 20 years, Major League Baseball is expected to adopt the same sophisticated, grown-up approach...
I'll believe Brett Favre is going to retire when he stops breaking the fingers of high school kids with his passes in the off-season and starts breaking the ankles of senior citizens with his 100 mph. shuffleboard pucks...
I don't know how to say it in Japanese or even in Spanish, but please, Ozzie Guillen, enough...
"Shaq Vs." is back for a second season. If he's willing to wear Celtics green as reported, it's only natural he compete with Liz Taylor in an desperate chase for rings...
HE SAID IT
"There's no way." Favre, responding to whether he'd play again after leaving the New York Jets and before joining the Minnesota Vikings.
HE SAID WHAT?
"I'm not a big hearsay person. I gotta hear it from the horse's mouth." -- Minnesota Vikings coach Brad Childress on Tuesday reports that Favre planned to retire.
Because, as everyone knows, when Favre says he's going to do something, you can book it.
YOU SAID IT
(The Expanded Thursday Edition)
"Bud:
"Isn't it a travesty that a metro area as large as Cleveland has as its biggest-name sports figure a return man [Josh Cribbs]? Near by, Pittsburgh has [Sidney] Crosby and Roethlisberger. Detroit has [Miguel] Cabrera tearing up the AL. Buffalo has a world class goaltender in Ryan Miller. Indy has [Peyton] Manning. We have a return specialist." -- J.D.
Yes. But the second most accomplished player in town is a long-snapper. That evens things out.
"Bud:
"If you get a blister on your typing finger, how long would The Plain Dealer shut you down? And what sort of rehab assignment would you face?" -- Keith
I did injure myself once after a wild Saturday night of thumb wrestling and was assigned to the Arizona Space Bar Instructional League for 15 days.
"Dear Bud:
"Do you think No. 6 will be tempted to join T.O. and Ocho so that he can win easy championships in another sport, too?" -- Michael Sarro
Doubtful. You know what they call guys in the NFL who lie on the ground after collisions as long as LeBron did at The Q? Punters.
"Due to the fact LeBron thanked the people of Akron for their support and failed to mention Greater Clevelanders, perhaps his new theme song should be 'Burning Bridges.'" -- Jim D., Richmond Heights
Maybe. So far he's only been heard humming a few bars of the old country western standby, "If My Nose Were Full of Nickles, I'd Blow It All On You."
"Hey Bud:
"When the Indians have their next 'kids run the bases free' promotion, will it include everybody on the roster?" -- P. Cavanagh, Columbia Station
First-time "You Said It" winners receive a T-shirt from the Mental Floss collection.
"Bud:
"The Indians were playing [Toronto] when they traded most of their players. I thought the exchange rate was better in Canada." -- Frank
Repeat winners get international street cred.