What's not to like about Miami, other than everything?
Miami has much to recommend itself to basketball superstars, including the great weather -- not counting the deadly hurricanes, of course.We've been there, and believe us, it's no paradise, despite the palm trees.
Let's start with the weather. Yeah, it's nice in the winter. But for 10 months of the year, it's hot, it's humid, it's rainy, it's the sixth most uncomfortable city in America. Miami regularly gets socked by hurricanes, and was hit by one of the worst ever to hit the U.S. mainland. Florida is the "thunderstorm capital of the nation," and leads the nation in deaths by lightning. But it still gets cold enough, once in a while, to kill off all the oranges, tomatoes, lettuce and cucumbers.
Then there's pests of every kind and description. Alligators that eat pets. Alligators that eat children. Killer sharks. Pythons living in the Everglades -- 175,000 of them. Things called "love bugs" that copulate in flight and then smack into your car, where their body fluids actually eat away the paint. Cockroaches the size of helicopters. Enormous toads that will poison your dog. Feral ducks that poop a third of a pound a day.
Traffic congestion so bad it imperils the economy. Ecological degradation of the Everglades. Poisoned drinking water. Beaches often have tar balls on them, and they're going to have a lot more.
It's not exactly a tranquil place, either. Lots of crime. Miami's one of the most crime-infested cities in the country. What kind? Major drug trafficking. Mail-order murder. Serial killers. Serial pet killers, for Pete's sake. Crime so bad, in fact, that they put it in movies. And if all that weren't bad enough, some of the most deadly riots in American history.
Perhaps, LeBron, you might want to keep these things in mind in the last few hours before you announce your intentions.
Meanwhile, the 'Meter holds steady.
Today's meter reading: Uh-oh.
Like everyone else in Cleveland, we wonder what LeBron James will do when his contract is up this summer. Will he stay home, or follow Wade and Bosh to Miami? Until he decides to talk tonight, we have to rely on hunches, instincts and educated guesswork. We'll report our findings using the LeBron-O-Meter.