On a scale of 0-10, Spin columnist Bud Shaw looks at the ways the Browns can satisfy -- or not -- their fan base in Thursday's first round of the NFL draft.
Mary Altaffer, Associated PressBrowns fans (from left) Craig Smialek, Daniel Clarke, Jason Darwish, and Chris Wenz were the first in line Wednesday to obtain tickets for Thursday's first round of the NFL Draft at Radio City Music Hall. Think the cameras were be on them when the fourth pick is announced. CLEVELAND, Ohio -- "Hey Bud:
"With anticipation of draft day finally here, I keep getting the chills, sweats and sick feeling that the Browns will somehow mess up the No. 4 pick. How about you?" -- Doug, Westlake
Didn't Browns' GM Tom Heckert put that concern to rest in January when he said it would be "tough" to mess up the No. 4 pick? Being a Cleveland fan, I can see where that statement might worry you, that it could seem like tempting the fates.
But have faith. It would be almost impossible to botch what now amounts to the No. 2 pick with Andrew Luck and Robert Griffin III already spoken for. Let's go to the Spin Draft Day Satisfaction Scale for a closer look at the possibilities.
"0" represents the worst case of the sweats and chills this side of H1N1 or the Browns facing third-and-nine.
"10" represents the best feeling you've had about the Browns since the league deemed the city worthy of more bad football back in 1999.
0: Braintrust gathers in Mike Holmgren's office for pre-draft pep talk, get caught up in watching his Arizona vacation slides. In the ultimate clock management debacle, they do not make it to the draft in time to pick No. 4.
1: Trade out of the Top 20 to take Alex Mack's successor. If this happens and you're in position at a nearby sports bar to order a double shot of amnesia, please use a designated driver.
If this happens and you're at home, please, for safety concerns, fight the urge to put your head in the microwave for a minute on high. Thirty seconds should do it.
2: Draft USC LT Matt Kalil and turn him into RT Matt Kalil. This would be like hiring Placido Domingo -- not to be confused with Plaxico Burress -- for your kid's party, then having him hum "Happy Birthday."
3: Draft Texas A&M quarterback Ryan Tannehill.
The Browns' need to draft guys who find the end zone, so a quarterback shouldn't be out of the question. It's just that you can't take a chance on missing with this pick. Tannehill is a projection, an intriguing one, but a projection along the lines of predicting Spin for a future Pulitzer.
4: Trade down out of Top 15 for extra ammunition. This team needs a big gun on offense, not more peashooters.
AP fileSure, Morris Claiborne is an outstanding player and could be a long-time star in the NFL. But his acquisition makes one wonder if the Browns really plan to win games by 7-3 scores. 5: Draft Morris Claiborne, with Alabama running back Trent Richardson still on the board.
You'd expect the reaction to be crickets if this happens. But that's selling crickets short on their football acumen. They would be stunned to silence, too.
6: Trade down out of Top 10.
7: Draft Morris Claiborne, with Trent Richardson already taken.
OK, good player. His standing as the best defender in the draft keeps this from being a "5." But one of the reasons the Browns suffered so much offensively last year is that they passed on a playmaker at the top of the draft.
To pick a corner the next year at No. 4? Why did Randy Lerner hire an offensive-minded president who hired an offensive-minded head coach? After another 4-12 season, he'll be asking that, too.
Then again, if Colt McCoy can complete some passes in practice against Claiborne and Joe Haden, maybe third-and-nine won't seem like Everest.
8: Justin Blackmon. To paraphrase Keyshawn Johnson, just throw him the damn ball.
9: Trent Richardson.
He's 20. He's dynamic. If he's close to Adrian Peterson, I don't think there will be many regrets six or seven years from now when all the pounding takes its toll.
10: In a classic case of Washington gridlock, the Redskins fail to announce RGIII as their selection and the Browns swoop in.
SPINOFFS
"[Metta] World Peace Suspended for Vicious Elbow" is the kind of headline that hopefully encourages other athletes to ironically change their names...
Doug Dieken on STO's Browns' Red Zone Monday remembered that after Peyton Hillis sat out the Miami game last year, a reporter asked head coach Pat Shurmur if Hillis begged the Browns to let him play despite an illness. Dieken said it was the exact opposite, that the Browns unsuccessfully begged Hillis to play.
If only Hillis had changed his name to "Irresistible Force" first...
Forbes Magazine uses poll results to conclude that NASCAR's Jimmy Johnson is America's Most Influential Athlete. While something inspired Josh Cribbs to drive 103 mph on I-71, that's not an America I know...
Deion Sanders, who is going through a messy divorce, posted a Twitter pic of himself filling out a police report. He tweeted, "Pray for me and my kids now! They just witnessed their mother and a friend jump me in my room. She's going to jail n I'm pressing charges! I'm sad my boys witnessed this mess."
At least the kids can count on their dad protecting their privacy...
If the Minnesota Vikings' aren't sure Matt Kalil is a "game changer" as a left tackle at No. 3, what does that make it if the Browns take him at No. 4 and switch him to right tackle?
Other than a jaw dropping conversation stopper...
Chris Berman, who knows his bombastic style isn't for everybody, tells USA Today, "They didn't like Ted Williams either. Now, I'm not Ted Williams."
No. He's fresher.
A judge is letting Rashard Mendenhall's lawsuit against Hanesbrand, the parent company of Champion, to move forward. The athletic apparel company canceled an endorsement deal with Mendenhall after the Steelers' running back Tweeted that no one should celebrate the death of Osama bin Laden and questioned whether hijacked planes were really the cause of the World Trade Center collapse.
John Kuntz, PDThe hammer may or may not be thrown down, but the smile is always on. If Champion loses, the company will have to pay Mendenhall the rest of the money in his endorsement deal. At which time Mendenhall is free to use it to build a statue of Fidel Castro in Miami...
If God has a sense of humor, Dwight Howard would've been born "Coach's Best Friend"...
SEPARATED AT BIRTH
Bram Stoker's Dracula and Mel Kiper Jr. -- Bob H, Medina
Austin Carr and former NFL quarterback Warren Moon -- Randy Verner, Chagrin Falls
HE SAID IT
"Need is a terrible evaluator" -- Former Ravens' head coach Brian Billick.
AP fileWhether in Washington, Canada or in the NFL, he was always No. 1 on the field. I never knew Dwight Clark had a nickname.
HE SAID IT (CLASSIC)
"Who is Mel Kiper? He's never been a player, he's never been a coach, he's never been a scout, he's never been an administrator and all of a sudden he's an expert. He has no more credentials to do what he's doing than my neighbor, and my neighbor's a postman." -- GM Bill Tobin after Kiper criticized the Colts for taking Trev Alberts No. 5 overall in 1994.
Kiper has lasted 15 years longer than Alberts, whose hair didn't get any more mussed than Kiper's during three forgettable seasons.
HE SAID WHAT?
"I think one of the worst things about the draft now is how everybody gets beat up. ... There's so much misinformation out there." -- Nick Saban, saying he fielded questions from a scout about some of the people squeaky clean Trent Richardson kept in his circle.
If there's one thing the Alabama coach hates, especially after declaring, "I am not going to be the Alabama coach," it's misinformation.
YOU SAID IT
(The Regular Midweek Edition)
"Bud:
"Do you remember where you were the day the Browns drafted Mike Junkin?" -- Tom Hoffner, Broadview Heights
No, but I believe he was shopping the tofu aisle at his local grocery store.
"Hey Bud:
"Did Josh Cribbs tell the police that he almost always almost drives the speed limit?" -- Bob H, Medina
Yes. In a text from his drive home.
"Bud:
"Could Spin ever branch out beyond sports? It would be spellbinding to get your takes on all the critical issues of the day, such as the GOP primaries, the urgency of being first in line on Black Friday, or maybe even the Kardashians." -- Dale, Medina
By terms of three separate divorce agreements, I am not allowed to write about the Kardashian sisters.
"Hey Bud:
"Should the NBA now refer to Metta World Peace as 'the Artest formerly known as...'" -- Bob H, Medina.
First-time "You Said It" winners receive a T-shirt from the Mental Floss collection.
"Bud:
"Have you ever been stopped for speeding in your Vega?" -- Joe S
Repeat winners live life in the slow lane.
"Bud:
"Is it true the three other teams in the AFC North pop open a bottle of champagne each year when the Browns pass on a playmaker with their first pick in the draft?" -- Jim Lefkowitz, Pepper Pike
Some repeat winners should put a cork in it.
On Twitter: @budshaw