Relax. That was only the Browns' 2012 being released by the NFL, not The Kraken, Bud Shaw writes in his Spin Column.
Joshua Gunter, The Plain DealerSure, the 2012 season may -- or may not be -- much of an improvement for Josh Cribbs and the rest of the Browns -- but freaking out about the team's projected wins and losses in the middle of April is unworthy of any Browns fan, says Bud Shaw. CLEVELAND, Ohio -- The Browns are currently favored only against the Colts and the Mayans in 2012, according to some analysis...
NFL.com suggests the Browns could "realistically [start] 0-13" in 2012. Good thing these guys aren't at your side handicapping your chances on the first day of a new diet. With that kind of encouragement, you'd be reading a self-help book and eating a bag of Oreos by lunch time.
Look, the Browns are entirely capable of detonating their season when it rolls around in September. They have a knack for it, in fact. The offense will have to rally in support of a defense facing a quarterback roll call that could include Michael Vick, Eli Manning, Peyton Manning, Ben Roethlisberger, Philip Rivers, Tony Romo and Joe Flacco.
However, it's early in the year and a waste of time to project how the home team will do against that kind of competition.
While it seems safe to say based on 2011 the Browns could well match them punt-for-point unless big improvements are made offensively between now and then, it's silly to wire the Browns for explosives and trip the timer in April. They may not find a way to save themselves but the manner in which some "analysts" are reacting you'd think the season is guaranteed to go down like a MacGruber Saturday Night Live skit.
The analysis, if you can call it that, of the Browns' schedule on the NFL's web site concludes they "can't catch a break."
Let's see. For the 13th time in 14 seasons, the Browns open the season at home. This one is against a 8-8 team that Pat Shurmur and Brad Childress ought to know better than most. Not that there's much proof of it locally, but opening at home is considered an advantage throughout the NFL for a reason that's pretty obvious. It beats the alternative.
Other than being the gift that keeps not giving -- they're 1-12 -- opening at home is still a break considering the game could be in Philadelphia where Eagles fans do a pretty good impersonation of the Visigoths and are coming off a season that left them particularly incensed.
The Browns have home games with Buffalo, Kansas City and Washington. Combined record in 2011: 18-30. Since you have to play somebody, this is the definition of the fairly evenly matched somebody you'd want to get at home.
They'll face two rookie quarterbacks (presumably) in Andrew Luck and Robert Griffin III. Why wouldn't a Browns' defense that held the Steelers to 27 points in two games be up to confusing rookie quarterbacks (not named Dalton)? It's no more helpful to imagine whether Peyton Manning will be his old self in late December when the Browns visit Denver than it is to imagine him in a neck brace by Halloween.
A year ago, you were looking at the schedule and figuring a game at Indy for a loss and a crack at Alex Smith and the 49ers as a possible win. The opposite happened.
AP fileHe may not have the face of a world-class athlete, but his swing certainly is. The Browns play the AFC West and the NFC East this time around. Of the eight teams in those two divisions, only the Giants had a winning record in 2011 (9-7).
The Browns have proven they can turn any schedule into an unnatural disaster. Until it happens in 2012 let's agree to hold off on the doomsday scenarios.
At least until 4 p.m. Sunday, Sept 9, when we get a glimpse as to whether the NFL Mayans are on to something.
SEPARATED AT BIRTH
Golfer Carl Pettersson and Corey Harrison of "Pawn Stars" -- David Boettner
Byron Scott and Louis Gossett, Jr. -- Al Dadas, Garfield Heights
SPINOFFS
AP fileHe doesn't do anything on a diamond, but will happily give you cash for your rock. The only way the Browns should take Matt Kalil at No. 4 is if they plan to employ a passing attack that makes liberal use of tackle-eligible...
Feel free to look over the Browns' 2012 schedule and see what you want to see. What isn't optional is asking Mike Holmgren for extra playoff tickets...
Another positive to the 2012 schedule: Kansas City and Peyton Hillis visit in December, otherwise known as cold, flu and strep throat season...
The headline "Kentucky Starting 5 Declares for NBA Draft" is a great recruiting pitch for UK basketball but sad when you think of how it interrupts the breakneck progress being made toward college degrees...
Someone working for the London Olympics contacted the manager of the legendary rock group The Who to ask about having drummer Keith Moon take part in an Olympic celebration of British pop culture at the Games this summer. Long-time manager Bill Curbishley said Moon was unavailable, playing the flimsy "He's Been Dead Since 1978" card...
Jamie Moyer became the oldest starting pitcher in MLB history to win a game. In related news, former Indians' right-hander Alex White has become one of the youngest pitchers in history not to be able to beat out a 49-year-old for a spot in the rotation...
Tuesday night, the Cavs became only the fifth team in the last 20 years to trail by 50 points according to the Elias Sports Bureau, and perhaps the first to do it against an equally bad opponent (Detroit).
Not out of sympathy -- just coincidence -- Bruce Springsteen spent the same night at The Q singing "Wrecking Ball..."
Watch Springsteen move, jump, slide, even perform an advanced yoga backbend on stage over three non-stop hours at age 62 and you can only say one thing. If the Browns truly subscribed to best athlete available, they'd take him with one of their compensatory picks...
New England's Vince Wilfork is complaining that the NFL does too much to protect "wimpy" quarterbacks. You know, because 70,000 fans show up every week to watch defensive lineman mind their gaps...
More fans of NFL teams could be required to complete an online behavior class to regain entry to stadiums if they've been ejected for unruly conduct.A sample question from the web site fanconductclass.com: "True or false. 'Every fan has a right to like any team they wish. Using abusive language towards fans who support teams you don't like will not be tolerated.'"
Miss that one and you also lose the right to make fun of any draft prospect's Wonderlic score for 10 years...
HE SAID IT
"We are two warriors out there battling. I forgot the NBA is a gentleman's game." -- Mavericks' guard Delonte West, after getting a technical for sticking a wet finger in the ear of Utah's Gordon Hayward.As I'm sure SEAL Team 6 would attest, nothing says professional "warrior" quite like a wet willie.
YOU SAID IT
(The Expanded Midweek Edition)
"Bud:
"Would you ever volunteer to take a 17 year old to her prom like our possible first-round draft pick Trent Richardson did?" -- Michael Sarro
I volunteered to take six different 17-year-olds to their prom back when I was 17. Crazy coincidence. They all said they had to stay home and wash their hair that night.
"Dear Bud:
"No matter who they pick, who's calling the plays, want to bet the Browns' first play (of 2012) is a two-yard run up the middle, followed by an incomplete pass and a seven-yard completion on third-and-eight?" -- Jim O., Chardon
This is that optimistic time of year when fans get carried away and completely dismiss the possibility of a fumble or interception.
"Dear Bud:
"Taking a page from the [Johnny Damon signing], I understand henceforth you will be sharing Spin writing duties with an aging, over-the-hill sportswriter, who actually wrote only 15 columns last year." -- Vince G., Cincinnati
Yes. And I dare anybody to tell us apart.
"Bud:
"I have it from reliable sources. The 'plan,' as the Browns call it, derives from the fact that since Easter and the draft both land in April, they're putting all their eggs in one basket." -- Frank, Strongsville
That would explain walking on eggshells in free agency.
"Hey Bud:
"Lamar Odom cut, Reggie Bush ran out of town, Kris Humphries booed every time he touches the ball, Bruce Jenner (nothing more really needs to be said). What do you think your fate would be if you hooked up with one of the Kardashians?" -- Dan Coughlin
Though I'm sure like most women, the Kardashian girls have dreamed of someday meeting a balding sports writer who's personal best with the Shake Weight is three seconds, I haven't given such a relationship any thought.
"Hey Bud:
"Do you think Bishop Lennon will reopen the end zone for the Browns in the 2012 season?" -- Matt D., Brunswick
First-time "You Said It" winners receive a T-shirt from the Mental Floss collection.
"Bud:
"Do the Lake Erie Monsters have a bounty out on anyone dumping Asian Carp in the Great Lakes?" -- Jim D., Richmond Heights
Repeat winners swim upstream.
On Twitter: @budshaw