What if the out-of-touch NBA owners and players staged a "nuclear winter" and nobody noticed?
John Minchillo, Associated PressNBA Commissioner David Stern says the NBA is entering a season he calls "nuclear winter."
Nobody roots for Goliath(s). . .
With NBA owners and players waiting out a freezing brain delay, let's go to the out-of-touch scoreboard.
• Commissioner David Stern isn't just predicting a long winter.
"We are about to go into the nuclear winter of the NBA," Stern said gravely.
Would someone please hit this guy with Nikita Kruschchev's shoe and knock some post-Cold War perspective into him?
• Fifteen NBA players are ranked on Forbes' list of the Top 50 Richest Athletes in the World.
While there are more race car drivers than NBA players on the list, NBA players who made the ranking are Rashard Lewis, Vince Carter and Michael Redd.
Yes, a salary correction in the NBA does seem like an overdue idea.
• Portland's Paul Allen, believed to be one of the hardline smaller market owners behind Stern's scorched-earth policy, is at least able to look on the bright side despite the threat of a canceled season.
Allen has secured the only "megayacht" mooring available at the 2012 London Olympics, according to a prominent yachting magazine to which I have never subscribed.
Good news for the captain of Allen's 414-foot yacht, "Octopus." He won't have to double-park.
• "Instead of treating the players like partners, they're treating them like plantation workers." -- NBA players association attorney Jeffrey Kessler.
Yes, yes. Just like it.
• Stern termed it a "tragedy" when players rejected the latest proposal and threatened to decertify the union.
A natural disaster is a tragedy. Losing Sacramento-Golden State on a Tuesday night in December is called a "Christmas present."
• LeBron James owns a $12 million mansion in South Florida complete with a water view from every room. He does not have room for "Octopus," but the dock would accommodate two smaller, you know, yachts.
• Like every owner, Dan Gilbert has a right to earn a profit. And like every owner, he isn't going broke.
His franchise value went the way of Joe Paterno's sainthood campaign after James walked out. But owning a NBA team in Cleveland gave him entry into the casino business in Ohio where he will have to get by having the house odds in his favor.
• Amar'e Stoudemire said that if there's a long lockout, the players may have to consider forming their own league.
That's no more out-of-touch than if I said I was going to start my own male modeling agency, using only sportswriters.
• The average NBA salary is $5 million. The minimum NBA salary is $474,000.
• That's big money. Or what the owners know as "vacuuming the couch cushions," not that they have ever vacuumed their own couch cushions.
• "For years owners have treated players as if they are just their property -- fining them over how they dress, act, everything," agent Aaron Goodwin told the Washington Post. "This is the first time the players have the opportunity to say, 'No.' "
Have you seen how some of these guys dress and act?
• No multimillionaire players have said what Patrick Ewing said during the last lockout: "As NBA players, we make a lot of money, but we spend a lot of money, too."
But we're in close enough proximity to that comment to believe they're thinking it, even if the union has warned them against saying anything like it.
• NBA owners have not yet announced a plan to lower ticket prices if management gets concessions from players.
Probably 'cause it hasn't crossed their minds.
Let's call this whole thing a tie.
Misguided
As long as he's only helping kids decide on the rest of their lives and not how to tackle, no harm, no foul.
In an apparent effort to build his definition of "toughness," a Wyoming high school football coach gave his players a 'Hurt Feelings Report,' a sarcastic questionnaire that offered possible reasons for them getting their feelings hurt. (Hint: The answer is, there are none).
"I have woman-like hormones" was one choice.
Others choices included anti-gay and sexist language.
Pat Lynch's survey also asked for the name of the "little sissy filing report." There was a place for a "girly-man signature."
The Buffalo (Wyo.) school board accepted his resignation as football coach but allowed him to continue in his full-time job at the school.
No, not home economics teacher.
Guidance counselor.
Spinoffs
• How bad has it become for the Browns and their fans when not handing off to Owen Marecic causes a storm of criticism?
• In an understandable move to avoid controversy, the Big Ten removed Joe Paterno's name from the new conference championship trophy. It will be known only as the Stagg Championship Trophy. No other changes were announced.
So in case you lost track, the division where Penn State plays is still called "Leaders."
• Yale QB Patrick Witt will miss competing for a Rhodes Scholarship on Saturday to play against rival Harvard. This is believed to be the first time academics has played second fiddle in Division I college sports.
• Bobby Bowden says old friend Joe Paterno was "a little negligent." If the guy from Free Shoes University thinks you're only "a little negligent," I'm not sure that's a ringing endorsement.
• Stop worrying. The Indians' recognition of National Recycling Day will not include an Austin Kearns signing.
He said it
"Well that doesn't make much sense. It would be like buying a Ferrari and pouring sugar in the gas tank." -- Denver head coach John Fox, on the crazy idea that he's hoping Tim Tebow fails to squelch fan groundswell for the popular QB.
Point well-made, but the analogy could be better. Tebow is more like the snow chains on a Ferrari.
You said it: The Expanded Midweek Edition
Bud: Pat Shurmur said in his Monday press conference: "You can score on a run play just as well as a pass play." By "You" he meant the rest of the NFL, right? -- Paul C., Maple Heights
I would like to think he meant everyone except Alex Smith.
Hey Bud: As a kid we used to throw the football around and pretend to be the Browns winning the Super Bowl. As a kid, did you write stories about the Browns winning the Super Bowl? -- Doug, Westlake
I'm from Philadelphia. So as a kid, I dreamed of pelting Santa Claus with a snowball.
Bud: When do you think the Browns will finish rebuilding and start contending? -- Jim D., Richmond Heights.
I believe the Browns are on the same accelerated pace as lakefront development.
Bud: If The PD gave you the big money, would that be the end of Sports Spin? -- Tom Hoffner, Broadview Heights
No. I would just write it with a sense of entitlement instead of the usual sense of despair.
Bud: I know it is early to be talking draft, but have the Browns mentioned which quarterbacks they are looking at to fill their need at wide receiver? -- Matt D., Brunswick
First-time "You said it" winners receive a T-shirt from the mental_floss collection.
Bud: Why do Browns fans cut holes in their paper bags? -- Joe S.
Repeat winners get no recognition.
Hey Bud: Can't anybody here play this game? -- Casey S., New York City
Repeat winners also get compared to the 1962 Mets.
To reach Bud Shaw: bshaw@plaind.com, 216-999-5639