The Book of Norman looks at how fantasy football has changed watching the NFL on Sundays
Associated PressWhy not many people outside of Tennessee may care about the Titans, millions care about what No. 1 consensus fantasy player Chris Johnson does on Sundays. The National Football League —
America’s last refuge of undeniable
world dominance — began its
91st season Sunday.
(Traditionally, Major League Baseball
unofficially opens its season by having
the president throw out the first pitch;
in the NFL, the new
season is unofficially
christened when Jay
Cutler throws his first
interception.)
For the uninitiated,
here is a brief chronology
of the three
crucial stages that established
the NFL
with its fan base:
- In 1920, the NFL began play. Fans generally
rooted for a team when they
watched a game.
- In the 1950s, the point spread became
prevalent. Some fans now rooted for a
team to “cover” the point spread, with
money being involved; this is commonly
known as “gambling.”
- In the 1990s, fantasy football took
hold. Some fans now didn’t root for
teams. Rather, they rooted for individual
players to score touchdowns or defenses
to record sacks, with money being involved;
this is not known as “gambling,”
but it is.
Over the past generation, two changes
have greatly altered how many fans
watch NFL games — instant replay as an
officiating tool and fantasy football.
What once was a relatively pure and simple
viewing experience — relax a little
and root for your team — has been
largely perverted. Fans now concentrate
on officiating mistakes or individual
achievements; in the latter case, whichever
team wins is inconsequential.
(This would be like going to the opera
to see “La Boheme” and not caring if
Mimi and Rodolfo can reconcile their
lost love before her death because you’re
so hung up on sound and lighting issues
and whether Rodolfo hit a higher note in
the third act than Marcello.)
America may need to rebuild, but it
will have to wait until a nation of fantasy
freaks is done shouting, “They’ve GOT
TO challenge that!!!”
Now, frankly, I shouldn’t begrudge
fantasy fanatics their pleasure. The
games are there for our recreation and
entertainment; if someone finds more
enjoyment by having a financial stake in
how various players perform, so be it.
And I had made my peace with these
people — they stay out of my living
room, I stay out of their sports bars —
but then I heard about fantasy sports insurance.com and fantasydispute.com
and, well, the uneasy truce was over.
If Tom Brady has a season-ending injury
in Week 1, you now are protected.
You can buy fantasy insurance online
with just a few clicks and a credit card.
(I’m fairly confident many people
these days do not carry life insurance but
carry fantasy insurance.)
If you think there was an unfair trade
in your fantasy league, you now have an
avenue to justice. You can settle disputes
with your fantasy friends online with
just a few clicks and a credit card.
(Remember: Fantasy owners have
rights, too!!!)
Incidentally, I’m glad to see lawyers
have found another revenue stream; to
be honest, I’ve always thought our nation
was under-litigated.
Of course, the fact that you can now
insure your fantasy picks or resolve fantasy
disputes raises the age-old question:
Does America have too much wealth? I
think that’s self-evident. More importantly,
does America use its wealth
wisely? Well, folks, if we’ve got enough
money to spend $14.95 a pop to have a
Yale-trained lawyer arbitrate a fantasy
feud, I believe that one’s self-evident,
too.
(Full disclosure: In regard to misspent
wealth and skewed priorities, I must admit
that I earn income from commenting
on what 22-year-olds wear while
playing poker.)
Alas, I wish we could dial the clock
back to a time when watching the Jets
and Giants lose provided all the weekend
pleasure we needed.
By the way, Cutler threw his first interception
with 5:33 to go in the first
quarter of the Lions-Bears game. Enjoy
the rest of the season!
Ask The Slouch!
Q: My husband says you love to
gripe, so if I ask you to gripe
about something, he says we’ll
win the $1.25. — Ann Snowden,
Spokane, Wash.
A: I used to turn on a baseball
game on ESPN, and it would
tell me the balls, strikes and outs
with a little graphic that read simply,
“Balls 2 Strikes 2 Outs 1,” but
now — because somebody with a
college degree and a pocket compass
decided that was too confusing
— they put up a bunch of little circles,
some colored in and some not,
and I’m supposed to count the circles
that are colored in to figure out
how many balls, strikes and outs
there are. By the time I have done
this correctly, the pitcher has already
thrown the next pitch, and I
have to start all over again. (Kudos
to your spouse — you got the 10 bits,
and I got something off my chest.)
Q: How many women now refer
to you as their Husband of
Destiny? — Dan Farlow, Towson,
Md.
A: The line forms to the right.
Q: If Dan Snyder really loved
the Redskins, wouldn’t it
have made more sense for him to
have bought the Cowboys and run
that franchise into the ground? —
Jeff Brown, Arlington, Va.
A: Pay the man, Shirley.
You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The
Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just e-mail
asktheslouch@aol.com and, if your
question is used, you win $1.25 in
cash!
Norman Chad is a freelance writer in Los
Angeles.